Yes it's been a long time. Just haven't been able to put things down on "paper." My mom is really close to the end and it has been unbelievably hard to manage it all in my head. So I'd rather not talk, write or think about it.
Yes I am still sober and even though I want an escape everyday, I haven't really had the urge to drink, but eating candy is another story...
Maybe this is a strange analogy but I feel like going thru my mom dying is sort of like getting sober. No one really understands what I am going thru unless they have too gone thru it. And I can't quite picture life without mom, yet it's so hard to see her suffering right now. And I have to just live one day at a time, sometimes one hour and find something positive.
This is a huge change which, not even I expected. I mean everybody's parents die at some point, that means everyone has to go thru this, yet I didn't not think it was gonna be this difficult.
So some positives in all this: I get to be of service, I get to spend time with my family, I get to help and support them, and I get to make a living amends.