Dad's Birthday Party Sober

I know, I know, another post ____ Sober! LOL! But for real, there was a time that I didn't think I could do any of these things sober! So here is another...


Sto Lat - Hundred Years
a birthday wish in Polish

My dad's 75th birthday party! Wow! I don't know where the time goes. My dad is still very young in his spirit, as a matter of fact he is looking for a girlfriend, which feels weird to me because my mom has only passed away 2 years ago! So mind you, I got that sort of hanging in my head, thought I am trying to accept it and I know my dad is lonely, so it would be nice for him to have someone to spend the rest of his life with.

Anyway, my dad and I exchanged few phone calls before the party, and during one of them my dad asked if I was going to be OK, because everyone will be drinking and he knows that it can be difficult for me. Wow! This was a first! It felt really nice that he had asked and I told him that if I feel uncomfortable I will leave, and I thanked him for asking. It is so nice to be supported!

So today was the party, and twenty some people were coming and me in the kitchen... Ugh. Yes it felt quite overwhelming! Thank god my mom in-law was there to help me out! She is also sober and a great support, and we have loads of fun together! My husband and dad in-law were watching the kids, so that was very helpful too! But, I felt quite frantic trying to figure out how to get everything ready and I wondered how my mom ever did this all alone; she never let us help her, she always did everything by herself! It feels really weird to being her kitchen.

I miss my mom...

I took a deep breath before we started and once again reminded myself to be of service.

And so, here we were,  my mom in-law and me, trying to get this thing going, in a kitchen that neither of us knew well and with my dad who had very specific directions on how things should be, and apparently plastics or paper anything was not allowed! So we just kept saying OK to his requests! And the good china was dirty because it hasn't been used in a long time and so where the good glasses and the silverware and no time. UGH. But we worked it all out and before we knew it the table was set and the food looked great! I kind of laughed about it all, because sometimes I am still wondering why I am so anal about things myself... Lol!

Then there was the instance when my 14 month old fell down the stairs and busted his lip and I think, because I was already stressed, I completely freaked out! - I am going to spare the details, but the miracle here was that I quickly apologized about overreacting (AA Step Ten at work!) and every one hugged and made up and everything was OK! And most of all the baby was OK, although he has a big fat lip :( 

So, the wine, and the beer, and the champagne were flowing and I was waiting for people to start getting trashed - yes this is my dad's 75th bday party and I think people will be getting trashed like at some frat party! I am not sure why I always think that but this was definitely not a frat party! Lol! And the drinking actually was not bothering me, I think it was because I was just to busy to care. But, I did have a weird moment when I had to move a bottle of wine to make room for a plate of food on the table. I actually said out loud - Wow this feels weird, I haven't touched a bottle of wine in 5 years! - and I laughed, but no one else thought that was funny! Sheesh! LOL! 

So even in the midst of the crazy stress, and the baby getting hurt, and the booze flowing, all and all, a very successful party, I have to say! I am so very grateful for all the people that supported me, my husband and my in-laws and my dad! I don't think I would have be able to get thru this type of  event sober and happy without them! Thank you!

And lastly, we were sitting on the deck when a beautiful butterfly sat on a one of our guests hand. We were all standing there in complete wonder and strange silence. Butterflies are deep and powerful representations of life. They are a symbol of powerful transformations. Some people also believe that butterflies are the spirits of loved ones. Hmm... so. very. cool.

Using Recovery Tools Can Help with Parenting (Part 2)

Tough weekend on the parenting front! Ugh. We had two kids sick, and one hormonal, and guess which one was the hardest to deal with!? Yep, the hormonal, almost ten year old daughter. She tested us to the absolute limits, about anything and everything! I am beyond exhausted. I haven't felt this totally out of control and frustrated in a long time - how do I stop this!? Definitely not my best parenting moments – oh and wouldn't a shot of tequila just eh be so lovely about now! Ha Ha. This sounds familiar! LOL! I know it's just a thought, but I am kinda getting tired of it. It still seems to be my default setting, and my very first thought when I am at my wits end. Ugh. I really want to change that, I want to have a new thought. I want to have a new default setting! I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to develop a habit, so I am going to try to re-set mine. I am not sure to what yet, but it has to be quick and let some frustration out - and it can't be screaming for tequila, even if it is just in my head! Lol!

So the whole thing has left me rather blah, and since I don't like being blah, I am trying to come up with some of the positives about this weekend.

The biggest thing that I have realized was that there was definitely some surprising growth for me! I have found, again, that the same tools I have learned through the 12 Steps in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) that I use to keep from drinking, I can also apply to keeping leveled through some tough situations. For instance, I repeated the serenity prayer quite often, I went to a meeting and shared about it. I called people in the program to get things off my chest. And I prayed, asking my Higher Power for strength and ability to make the right decisions - and to help me keep my ego right sized.

Then, when my daughter told me that she was very angry and felt like she was going to blow, I suggested to her few things (that I have learned in AA) that she might try to help her calm down. We talked about taking deep breaths, listening to music and reading a book. Also I suggested that we maybe call someone, like Nana. We did some breathing and listened to music and talked... lots of talking... Unfortunately all this worked just temporarily but I know we will have a chance to practice some more in the near future! Lol!

I also found myself repeating things to my daughter which I have learned in the program:

• We are only in control of ourselves.
• Do the next right thing.
• Let it go.
• Find acceptance.
• This too shall pass.

Of course, these were the same things that I was trying to keep in mind as I struggled with her emotional outbursts loaded with tears and yelling and lots of eye rolling. Oh goodness, someone help me! Lol! I only hope I can find the patience for all of this, because I know in the old days this would have been a huge reason to get plowed and completely check out! But I don't have that "luxury" anymore - ha ha some luxury that was, sheesh! So today I want to learn a better way to deal with life's frustrations, because I know life is not always peaches and cream, but I can still get through it sober! 

A GOOD day is when everything goes my way and I don't drink,

A GREAT day is when nothing goes my way and I don't drink.

 

Those Dirty Thoughts Sober

As the finale to our vacation I took the 2 older kids to the near by amusement park for the day. We had a blast! I think I am totally addicted to seeing my kids having fun, and laughing, and being excited! The four year old just kept saying, more, more! Very cool!

But...

The normally 1.5 hour drive took double the time, plus the 90 degree weather plus the 90 percent humidity, and what seemed like miles of walking and endless squabbles between the siblings, WELL... it all had made me absolutely exhausted and grouchy! - I need a damn drink and a cigarette! Like. Now. A Shot of Tequila! - my inner self screamed! - oh no, I hope that no one heard that. - as I looked around. Lol! Strangely enough those thoughts no longer scare me. I just laugh about them, but really, it took me a while to get to this point in my sobriety. But it's like, I know now that it's just a thought. And I want to drink because I am an alcoholic. And just because I think it, doesn't mean that I have to react to it, at all.

I have million thoughts going through my head each day. I can't possibly react to all of them, (and I don't think I would want to!) but I used too react to many, almost automatically. If I thought I, I did it! I suppose this is a good method for getting things done, for positive pursuits in life, like going back to school or getting sober. But not so easy to deal with when those damn dirty thoughts about drinking creep in. I used to say them out loud to my husband - I want a drink!- it used to freak him out, but I told him that it was just a thought... and it will pass... but by saying it out loud, it was no longer inside of me, festering. I think that's why at many AA meetings they ask if anyone has had a desire to drink, I think I have only heard someone speak up a handful of times, in my years of AA, but honestly who among us has not had a desire or though about a drink not ever in sobriety? Sheesh, I still do!

But knowing that my thoughts and feelings pass and change, and giving myself the time to acknowledge that in the next 15 minutes (or so) I will most likely feel totally different, is one of the best tools for staying sober. Because I might feel like I want a drink, or a drink seems appealing, BUT I don't have to have a drink. Today I have a choice!