How do I complete this step, when my higher power maybe the group, the program, or a tree? Or just faith! I struggled with this step in the beginning because I do not have a defined Higher Power that is a God of any religion, so it is hard to ask “God” for help. But, I have learned that the willingness to be humble and willing can come from any concept or any other idea that takes into account the fact that I am not in charge and that there is a larger, greater being than myself.
So in Step 6 I ask, do I really want to give up my character defects? After all, some of them have been around so long, they are like old friends. They have been comfortable. So I need to ask my HP to help me, to let me be willing, so I can let go of these defects. Here is a list of my character defects:
Resentments are of course number one! Ha, why do I get angry at people and carry that anger without them even knowing it! LOL! "It's like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die." - my sponsor says. And the ego follows closely after, which I have to keep in a constant check. And how about self-justification?
"Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority." – AA 12 and 12, Step Six, pg. 67.
Certainly, self-pity is in a pretty high ranking! I sometimes like the feeling of being a victim and I do not want to give it up. I enjoy staying in that victim role for a while, so I can get all the attention! Unfortunately this one also brings me back to resenting the people that pity me. ugh.SO, when I finally become willing to abandon all or some, of these old behaviors and ideas, and the habits connected to them, I am entirely ready to have HP remove all these defects of character. I am ready to be open enough to recognize them, when they are happening and be able to change them. And the real work that brings about the actual change will always be up to me.
“But in no case He render us white as snow and keeps us that way without our cooperation. That is something we are supposed to be willing to work towards ourselves.” – AA 12 and 12, Step Six, pg. 65.