February 28, 2013

Giving Up the Debate

In my last post I talked about being in my head, well, I have finally had enough and decided to give it up. Yep, really no one cares what came first the chicken or the egg! Well, maybe some do, but I am not going to figure it out, that's for sure. Lol!

This happens every time I am working the steps. I get so wrapped up in all the how tos and whys and fixing my life and my behavior. It's not supposed to be this hard, I just "like" to make it hard I guess, with my... oh so deep and intellectual mind! Lol! But it just serves no purpose. The debate can go on and on forever, and nothing actually gets done. HA! Maybe that's it!!? Maybe it is my way to procrastinate! Maybe is my way of avoiding doing the actual work! HA. That would make sense! - Oh goodness, see, I am trying to figure it out again. Too funny!

Anyway, I have come to a point in my sobriety where I have to clean the slate so I can finally put the past in the past and make my amends - step 8 and 9. Of course to do so I have to by willing and open minded enough go back and re-examine my past, ugh, not an easy thing to do at all. I don't like it. I don't like the memories and the feelings it brings. But my drinking was only the symptom. There was a lot crap there already before I started drinking alcoholically. It's time to get to the bottom of it, its time to get rid of the baggage, it's time to drop the rock! I know once I get thru to the other side I will feel better and I will be able not to keep dragging my past into the future. And that would be absolutely amazing!

- But, first I have to go back and do step 7, since I sort of skipped it by getting all wrapped up in the upcoming 8 & 9. - HA! Another way to procrastinate? Hmmm... yes!! Well, like they say: don't miss any steps, you might fall! Lol! -

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