More About Alcoholism, AA, Big Book, Chapter 3

I stumbled upon an interesting blog last night. The title of this blog would suggest that the person was very aware of his alcoholism; it caught my eye for that reason alone. But as I started reading the posts, it become clear to me, that the struggles of this alcoholic were all based on his attempts to control his drinking. That was his struggle! Not getting sober, not trying to stay sober, and not living sober. He had no desire to quit; he just wanted to stay within some limits of "normal" drinking. He was very proud of his methods and stated several times that he was very successful and his methods worked really well. And when they did not , which did happen several times, he just found new, better ways!



Big Book, Chapter 3

I got a good chuckle out of some of his methods of counting, measuring and sneaking alcohol, all in his attempt to control his drinking. My first though was, wow he has been blogging about this since 2009 and still has not found the exact way to control his drinking! 

But I wasn't laughing at him at all, I was remembering my own struggles. I have totally been there!  I so badly, just wanted to learn how to drink like a lady! I would go to ANY lengths to figure out a way to control my drinking that worked! And it sometimes worked, giving me a confirmation (now I know it was a false confirmation) that I was not an alcoholic. But most of the time it didn't work, and I was off to the races, slobbery drunk and in a blackouts. What happened? - I wondered. I did the same exact thing the last 3 times I drank, why didn't it work this time? I must try another way!  This went on 6 years for me! For six years I was trying to drink like a lady and I miserably failed! I tried every method I could think of, and read about, and heard about, and nothing ever worked for an extended period of time.  

Then, when decided that maybe I should just stop drinking… I started to read the AA Big Book, looking for answers. (Or at least learn how to drink like a lady! LOL.) I read this on page 30: "This is the first step to recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."

Has to be smashed! – yep has to! For me there is all or nothing when it comes to drinking. And I already know what happens when I drink! Lol! CRAZINESS is what happens!!!

So sober I am, another 24h, and wishing him all the best.