I was sitting at the kitchen table last night, putting patches on my daughter's girl scout's vest with great care, making sure that they were evenly spaced and in the correct places on the vest. Then, I had the strangest feeling come over me: Is this really me? Wow. Who is this person? So strange.
You see, if you knew me then, this would not make any sense to you either! Because back then, I was just a party girl! Children and husbands were not part of this equation - clubs, bars and concerts most definitely were! If there was a party, I was there! I was "fly by the seat of your pants" kinda girl - I often just took off somewhere just to go to a party, it didn't matter how far. I once went to Ocean City, MD just to see a band play - 3 hour drive. I could out drink and out last anyone!
|My new string bean plant|
Looking at me now, you would have never believe that I was that person, let alone a mom of three and involved with the girl scouts! (If you are not familiar with the GS organization - it requires lots of parental participation.) You would have a hard time believing that I live in a house in the suburbs and plant flowers and and I have my own vegetable garden. You would be amazed at the amounts of cookies and cupcakes that I bake for my kids events. And you would have a hard time believing that I have a full time job and I have had it for the past 3+ years. You would probably notice that I no longer have dark circle under my eyes and my skin is not pale anymore. You would notice that I smile a lot!
You would not be able to comprehend that I used to sit in a dark room and drink myself into an oblivion, night after night.
Who was that person?
It is still hard for me to believe that I was that person and that I am sober and that this is my life now. I seriously have to pinch myself every day, just to make sure! I would have never dreamed of this, even thought in reality this is the life I have always wanted and I am only living it today because I am sober.