AA Step 11 - Sought to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. -Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven
When I started my recovery journey, I
couldn't stay sober for more than a few months at a time. I was
struggling something awful! I was irritable, discontent and just
unhappy! I kept thinking that I was missing something and well, I was.
Being part of the Alcoholics Anonymous I was often reminded that I
needed a Higher Power, a God of my understanding, a belief in something
greater than myself, a spiritual path to follow, and faith of some kind.
This was quite a tall order for me, oh so scientific mind, and I was
not having any part of it - I wouldn't even repeat the Lord's prayer at
the end of 12-step meetings. Prayer seemed silly to me; there was no one
listening, and who were all these people praying to anyway!?
But after my last relapse I was at my wits end and I was ready to try anything to release me from the viscous alcoholic life. I knew I was missing some kind of spirituality but I just didn't even know where to start looking for it. I read some books, but nothing really spoke to me. I talked to people and got even more confused! I decided that if I couldn't just believe, I would force myself to accept it. I decided to let go of all my old beliefs and bought a little necklaces with a cross pendant. It felt really uncomfortable wearing it at first because it symbolized all that I didn't believe in, but then again, what could it hurt I assumed, it's just a necklaces, sort of like a rabbits foot, a favorite shirt, a lucky hat, or that magic rock!
I wore my necklace every single day and started to really believe that it had some magical powers. This simple act of wearing the necklaces become something way bigger than I would have ever imagined. It became my protector, it became my guide, and it became my hope! I even noticed that my urge to drink was lifted. Life started to bloom around me. My heart got softer and kinder. I was smiling more often! I even begun to feel happy!
I still can't quite explain how all this works. I have actually been able to feel the guiding power in my life and in times of need it was always there to protect me and steer me in the right direction. So, I have continued this practice for a while now, and I have been able to get thru some really challenging times in my life, by simply believing in a Higher Power and praying. Of course, to my biggest surprise, whatever guidance or help I asked for I have received, which is really quite unbelievable but I am so very grateful for all this amazing love that seemed to have come from no where! Who knew?!