March 22, 2014

Spring Time Sober

Spring time... What an amazing time of the year! Watching little flowers spring up from the ground, and the sun finally shining, and the birds happily chirping gives me some kind of a euphoria. Kids are again playing outside and the air is filled with their laughter. There is just something so very amazing about it all. Nature and life seem to have awaken again... and so did my drinking pangs.

I don't know what it really is that makes spring time a drinking trigger for me. It seems like some misdirected energy; while others are cleaning their yards and planting gardens, I feel like drinking... I feel like I should be sitting on my deck and sipping on a lite, refreshing wine and juice cocktail, with a splash of soda and a twist of lime. I used to do that a while back, when I lived in a condo on the third floor. My balcony faced several tall trees and I could not see any other buildings around me. I would listen to the buzzing of the life out there, and it felt peaceful and calming. I spend many days sitting and drinking on that balcony, and it was definitely one of my favorite things to do. Of course this was way before my drinking took off and became crazy and unpredictable.

I also quit drinking during the spring time, which seems a bit like an odd coincidence. But maybe not. I remember it being one of those really beautiful days, without a cloud in the sky. I was happy. No worries. I had that same feeling of wanting to just sit and enjoy the buzzing of the life out there. I was about three months sober but I remember thinking that I definitely could have a drink and be OK; I am not mad, angry or sad. I am happy! There is not reason that I would get plastered, I thought. 

But I did. I totally did. What was supposed to be a drink ended up being several boxes of wine. It was horrible. It was so bad that I was in a blackout the entire weekend and then I woke up early Monday morning, face down on the kitchen floor. That's when I truly realized that I was an alcoholic and that I could not control my drinking at all. It become very clear to me that after many years spent blaming the world for my drinking, I finally understood that it just didn't matter what was going on in my life, good or bad, I drank.

Sometimes, I think that maybe in my retirement years, I will once again be able to enjoy a nice lite cocktail on the deck. But then I remember my last drunk and think that I just might not. The difference between me and the normal drinkers is that there is never a good time for me to have a drink. All times are bad. So I have to be even more diligent this time of the year, and direct my spring time energy towards staying sober. And maybe then clean the yard and plant a garden! 


  1. Spring can be hard for me, too, but I am trying to learn to enjoy it sober. I agree- it is all about refocusing that energy! Thanks for the reminder. -Jen :)

  2. I'm in the same boat. I hope to refocus my energy into working out when I feel like drinking instead.

    1. Yep most definitely! I have to stay busy too, no reason to sit around an reminisce, time to make new memories! Working out is awesome and gets you ready for the summer, so win-win!

  3. Girl...still hits me from time to time. I used to love to drive with the hubs into Annapolis and sit outside and sip a glass of wine, then maybe mosey on over to one of the restaurants and have some dinner and then walk around the docks...sigh.

    But I can't do that anymore. Just can't happen. But it still happens from time to time...


  4. Annapolis, MD? Oh I love it there, such a fun little town filled with bars and... oh dag, here I go again! LOL! Yep, my mind goes there! But I am ordering my seeds tonight for the garden, one last small snow tomorrow, and onto spring we go!

  5. Springtime is a symbol of rebirth, just like our New Sober Lives! Thanks for brightening my perspective on the day!

  6. For me, spring is the season of life and nature's rebirth. Energy is within everything that is living, and I agree with you that the pent up energy can be misdirected or disassociated. We all want to feel vibrant in chorus with everything around us in spring and the drink definitely gives that boost, initially. Redirecting or energy in the pursuit of happiness through wholesome activities: that's what everyone needs and you couldn't have stated it better! I personally prefer the gardening (maybe because I am a hobby-gardener myself). Thank you for this wonderful post and stay healthy!

    Scott @ MidWest Institute for Addiction


Keep moving forward!