There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk

CHAPTER ONE: I walk down a street and there’s a big hole. I don’t see it and fall into it. It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out. It’s not my fault!

CHAPTER TWO: I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in. It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out. It’s still not my fault.

CHAPTER THREE: I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole. I can see it, but I still fall in. It’s become a habit. But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately. It is my fault.

CHAPTER FOUR:I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole. And I walk around it.

CHAPTER FIVE: I walk down a different street.

– Portia Nelson

I love this little story. I heard it first when I spent a week "drying out" at the local psychiatric hospital. A little old man with a deep but soft voice read it. It was the first time I realized that I can maybe take a different path in life but it took me several more years to actually take it. Change is hard when you don't see what you need to change and I was in a great amount of denial about my drinking.



The Recovering Person's Guide to Relapse Prevention

I fell into the hole many, many times before I realized that I could just walk down a different street. I was so determined to find a way to not fall in the hole. That was my drinking cycle; I desperately wanted to figure out how to drink without getting totally obliterated, or loosing everything. But stopping drinking did not even enter my mind as an option until I was in so much pain that change seemed like the only option.

Today, I try to apply this thinking to my daily life. I don't so much try to figure things out or ponder about all the reasons why. Now that I am sober I can make sound decisions and I have many choices. I don't have to battle everything and everyone. I don't have to climb the ladder or find all the solutions to all the problems.

All I have to do is stay open minded enough to see when I just need to walk down a different street.