February 17, 2013

Using Recovery Tools Can Help with Parenting

And here is the weird part, it sometimes feels like an out of body experience. If you knew the person I used to be when I was drinking, self-centered to the max, you would have a hard time believing my actions too. I was the person that would give her piece of mind at any moment, to anyone in her path, at any time, whether you wanted it or not. I was always ready to rumble; I even hang my middle finger out my drivers side window just in case you pissed me off! My saying was that I was a Scorpio and I sting deadly! Anyway, you get the point right?!

So my daughter has been having some issues with a her best friend and another girl that seems to be bulling her/them again. Her best friend was playing with the bulling girl who told my daughter that she couldn't join them. So my daughter got really mad at her BFF, and had a big outburst of tears and yelling and stomping and apparently it was so disruptive that a note was sent home from school about the incident and my daughter's unacceptable behavior.

Of course my mind went in overdrive and I was ready to "rumble." I immediately wanted to drive over the bulling girls house and share a piece of my mind with her parents! Then I wanted to drive to the BFFs house and do the same!  And I was so ready to call the school and give them a piece of my mind! And then I wanted to tell my daughter.... well stuff that no one should ever hear! But instead...

I first did nothing. I waited. I sorted my feelings.
I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. " - BB. Pg. 13
Then, I thought about the bulling girl, and decided to take a moment for her.
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.  - BB. Pg. 67
Then, I sat my daughter down calmly. We talked about what happened and she could do differently next time. I also told her that the most important thing for her was to do the next right thing! I told her that the bullying girl is probably hurting and she should not be hated. And I told my daughter that it would be a good ideal to make an amends and we called the BFF and my daughter apologized for her behavior.

So when my daughter hugged me after the phone call and thanked me, I thought, wow, what has just happened. This was not of my own doing for sure! Sobriety, AA and HP! It is truly hard for me to fit this in my head, how someone like the person I was, could now be sober and able to find compassion, understanding and love, let alone try to teach my daughter the same. What a gift, I have to pinch myself sometimes, just to make sure that this really is my life now.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. - AA, 12 Step


  1. That. Was. Awesome.

    They talk about the spiritual tools laid at our feet, and here you are not only having picked them up but using them in a wonderful, wonderful way. Wow. Awesome.

    Step 11 - that pause in where we ask our HP for guidance - is so underused in my opinion, and I have to remember that myself even. And the step 4 prayer there is something I have to employ at times (after popping several Serenity's too!) What is great about your story there is that your daughter sees how things are supposed to be handled. She sees her mother acting in a way that most other parents may not act - with dignity, poise and the steadiness of doing the right thing, even if it's not what we *want* to do (freak out, etc.).

    That was a very cool post - I am so glad I read it this morning. It's inspiring.


    P.S I used the "scorpio" thing too all my life. I used it as a blanket reason for my insane and selfish acts, my irrational behavior and for my demoralizing thoughts. "I'm a Scorpio" seemed to cover it all. what a sham! But I still *love* Scorpios :)

  2. Lol! Yes the Scorpio thing! And thank you for the kind words! Oh I ran that serenity prayer for a while too that day and I'll definitely have to remember this time when I am having one of those not so great parenting moments! :)


Keep moving forward!