February 11, 2013

There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk

CHAPTER ONE: I walk down a street and there’s a big hole. I don’t see it and fall into it. It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out. It’s not my fault!

CHAPTER TWO: I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in. It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out. It’s still not my fault.

CHAPTER THREE: I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole. I can see it, but I still fall in. It’s become a habit. But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately. It is my fault.

CHAPTER FOUR:I walk down the same street. There’s a big hole. And I walk around it.

CHAPTER FIVE: I walk down a different street.

Portia Nelson

I love this little story. I heard it first when I spent a week "drying out" at the local psychiatric hospital. A little old man with a deep but soft voice read it. It was the first time I realized that I can maybe take a different path in life but it took me several more years to actually take it. Change is hard when you don't see what you need to change and I was in a great amount of denial about my drinking.



The Recovering Person's Guide to Relapse Prevention
I fell into the hole many, many times before I realized that I could just walk down a different street. I was so determined to find a way to not fall in the hole. That was my drinking cycle; I desperately wanted to figure out how to drink without getting totally obliterated, or loosing everything. But stopping drinking did not even enter my mind as an option until I was in so much pain that change seemed like the only option.

Today, I try to apply this thinking to my daily life. I don't so much try to figure things out or ponder about all the reasons why. Now that I am sober I can make sound decisions and I have many choices. I don't have to battle everything and everyone. I don't have to climb the ladder or find all the solutions to all the problems.


All I have to do is stay open minded enough to see when I just need to walk down a different street.

2 comments:

  1. I love this! Like you, I kept falling in the same hole....but for some reason I could never see how I got there. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results; then we might as well commit me now lol. But we found our new paths! So now all we have to do is stay on them. And this time, expecting the same results is a good thing :)

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    Replies
    1. Sooo true! And on the new path, the road is wide open!

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Keep moving forward!