May 21, 2013

The Perpetual Happiness

I had an epiphany!

I have realized that I just want to be perpetually happy!

When I think about how hard I work at being happy, a certain cartoon from the 90's comes to mind. Ah - Yes - The Ren and Stimpy Show! This was a cartoon about a perpetually angry Chihuahua and a perpetually jolly cat. One day Stimpy, the cat, concerned with Ren's prolonged unhappiness, invented the "happy helmet" just for Ren. He put it on Ren's head and started turning up the dial. All of the sudden, Ren had a smile on his face, from ear to ear, and then he started doing house chores and singing - I. Am. So. Happy! - in a crazed voice. Lol!



Ren and Stimpy - Nickelodeon Animation Studio
I seem to have a "happy helmet" of my own and I just keep cranking it up until I am totally exhausted and I have driven everybody around me absolutely bonkers! Lol! What I seem to keep doing is that as soon as I feel some sadness or anger or something not quite right, I start going thru my preventive routine - I add an extra meeting, I call few people and I ask them how they are doing, repeat the Serenity Prayer several times a day, and I try to keeping positive by making gratitude lists! And I of course try to get my family to be happy too - whether they like it or not! LOL! Then, I usually just keep doing this until I feel better! This routine was very useful in early sobriety; it kept me focused on positivity and staying sober, but now...

I have realized that this has become another way for me not to actually deal with my feelings.

Yep. Avoidance. Not facing the facts. Not dealing with issues. I don't want to feel this way so I will just get all wrapped up in everything else! LOL! I guess escape can come in many forms, including working really hard on being happy and not letting myself actually feel.

So, my funk has finally past but not until I was able to stop and just sit in the feelings - this time, I saw that I was running in circles trying to be happy - again - but I was still feeling blah, and now I was absolutely exhausted too, so I just stopped. I sat with my feelings. I just let them be there. I told myself that it was OK to feel this way. The feelings started to dissipate. I realized then, than I can honestly just be, be in the moment and accept it as the moment where I am meant to be in.



 
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4 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 21, 2013 at 11:24:00 PM EDT

    I loved Ren and Stimpy. Heroes of mine. Loved...and loved that you cited them here. Very groovy ;)

    As to what you said, I agree 100%. I think we all do that - where we work so very hard at keeping things positive, looking at the bright side, etc. when sometimes we just need to let it fall. Let things be where they need to be. Sit with the uncomfortable feelings and realize that yeah, they're uncomfortable, but we got sober so that we could deal with them without the booze. And it's hard sometimes. I sometimes wish I could find something else to escape (and sometimes I *do* find something, even if it's unconsciously) but in the end you're bang on - it's about being in the moment...and that's all that counts.

    Wonderful post :)

    Paul

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  2. Sober LifeMay 23, 2013 at 7:49:00 PM EDT

    Thanks Paul! Yes yes, I still have to practice this more, sound easy, just be, but honestly, this is hard for me, I am used to running a minute a mile!

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  3. Al K HallMay 25, 2013 at 5:46:00 PM EDT

    Thanks so much for post! So nice to read as my funk finally seems to be ebbing as well... So many of my issues can be resolved with a few continuous good nights of sleep!

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    Replies
    1. Sober LifeMay 28, 2013 at 8:06:00 PM EDT

      Ah, sleep! Yes, it is the cure all, isn't it! Glad you're feeling better! Thanks for stopping by :)

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