I Got to Sit On the Beach

Camping was awesome! But it was none stop going and not much of relax time - except when we took the kids to the beach. My husband stayed in the car with the baby because he fell asleep and I took the older two down to the water. It was cold, too cold to swim but the kids still splashed around and got pretty wet.

I sat on the beach and watched them.

Nothing to do.

Just sit.

I felt uncomfortable. I have to admit, I still don't know how to be when there is nothing to do. In the past, when there was nothing to do I just drank. It seems to be ingrained in me. Lol! I just don't know what do with myself. So weird. There were other people there from my camping trip, so I looked towards them in hopes of starting a conversation. We started a small talk of sorts... Then I said - This is so nice. Nothing to do. - they laughed. Then they all started exchanging stories of "When I was drinking ... " - and we laughed about how common our stories were. How doing nothing is so strangely difficult. It was quite amazing, that they felt the same way. This, I found comforting yet still weird. How come we are unable to enjoy the nothing? Hmmm... Maybe because it keeps us from being with ourselves. I sure didn't like myself when I was drinking! Ugh. But today, I no longer have those feelings, today I am ok in my own skin.

Finally the conversation ran its course and I looked out over the water. I decided that I was going to try to just be in the moment. I read this article not long ago, about how to be in the moment. I remembered this part of it:

"Listen to the world. The birds, the sounds of one car passing, the conversations of distant strangers, the cracks and creaks of the building as it heats and cools, the planes overhead, the footsteps of passers-by. The moment is all around you." - Live in the Moment -

I was able to do this for about 10 minutes... I think! It was really amazing. Very freeing. I felt like nothing mattered, just me sitting on the sand, the sound of my kids playing, the humming of the ocean, the whistle of the wind and the big puffy clouds in the sky.

Amazing.

Sandy Point, Virginia

Camping Sober

We are getting ready to go on our third camping trip since I got sober. I really love camping! But camping used to mean a three day drunk fest and coming back absolutely exhausted and then being hangover for days. The drinking from sunrise to sunset sure took a toll on the body and then the blackouts and passing out sure didn't help. OMG. I remember once going camping and telling myself to make sure that I pace my drinking because I didn't want to repeat the events of my last camping trip! - then, that ended up being my last camping trip. Not worth mentioning what happened. Ugh.

When I got sober, I thought, man I guess camping is out, how can you go camping without drinking? Who does that? I mean what do you do all day if you don't drink? Lol! Yep, I thought that!

Then I heard about the sober camping trip that was organized by my AA district group, I was absolutely ecstatic and scared at the same time! Will it be boring? What are we going to do? Will I know anybody? Plunging into new experiences sober can be quite overwhelming without the "trusty" courage in the bottle! Lol! But the idea of being around my kind of people was comforting, as well as reassuring that I will not be drinking. And that was good enough for me!



Our Mega Tent!

This year we are going along with a newcomer, mother of 2 and her husband who is not in the program - I always admire the spouses who are supportive; it's not easy to live or understand an alcoholic/addict - I got lucky, my husband is also in AA.

There are many thing to do camping, which BTW I would have never done on my drunk camping trips! During the day we can go kayaking, swimming or hiking, or just hang out the campsite. And being that this is an AA event there are several meetings a day and a huge night meeting, around the camp fire, that starts at 8pm and goes on till everyone is done sharing... Some 50+ people! Yep, all night long. So we still end up exhausted and dirty, but we do it all SOBER!

Events like this sure make me feel like I am not alone! I am not unique, I am not strange or an outcast, I am not the only one struggling or figuring out how to manage life sober! There is a huge part of WE in the fellowship of AA, and I am eternally grateful for that!