Happy Sober Friday!

Early recovery often means giving up going out to bars and clubs, or any drinking events. This my make you feel jealous and alone as it seems that everyone in the world is partying especially on Friday nights!

Back in the day, I loved happy hour any day of the week. Of course, Fridays were the best because I could really get drink and no one would care, because that was just expected on a Friday! So I was always ready for any celebration - first one at the bar and ready to order shots! I never needed an invitation because every day was a party for me… well until it stopped being fun…

I currently work downtown in Washington, DC, where every street is filled with bars, restaurants, and clubs. On a Friday night, especially, they fill up quickly with people celebrating the end of the workweek. As I walk by them on the way to the train station, I can smell the wine and beer in the air. I can hear the chatter and laughter of super happy people, and for a moment there, I am swept away into my own fantasy and all I can remember is the "exciting fun" that I am now missing!

You too may find yourself reminiscing about the good old days, when drinking was fun!

Nevertheless, remember that was probably some time ago and drinking is no longer fun for you either. So when the drinking pangs hit, remember your reality!

I know my reality all too well, because in the end my drinking was completely out of control and there was nothing fun about it:

• I did not go to bars or clubs; I drank alone, in my house, with the curtains closed shut.
• I did not have just one glass of wine; I had bottles, boxes and even more than I had ever imagined was even possible to hold in my body.
• I did not lose jobs because my bosses were assholes; I lost jobs because I was unreliable, called out sick, or quit showing up.
• I was not alone because I liked it; I was alone because I had alienated everyone and alcohol was my only friend!
• I was not a happy-go-lucky party girl; I was a fall-of-the-bar-stool, flat-on-the-floor, passing out, blacking out, and creating chaos wherever I went… drunk.
• I did not fall asleep because I was tired; I blacked out every night because I drank way too much again.
• I did not take the bus to work to save money; I took it because I gave away my driver’s license after I chose to drive in a black out.

Yep, that is how it really was and I sure do not want it anymore!
Making lists like this quickly puts things in the right perspective and gets me out of the fantasy-land! It is a revelation and a start reminder of how it really was, and a great tool to staying sober!

In My Subconscious

I have about a four block walk from the metro train stop to my office, through the main part of the city, along the famous street that gets closed often so that the presidential caravan can pass through on the way to the White House. So to say the least, a very busy section of the city.

Last night I had a dream, or a nightmare?, ok, a dream, that I walked the four blocks wearing a black t-shirt with huge white letters that said ALCOHOLIC.  As I was walking, with every step, I felt the piercing stares of others, whispering and laughing and pointing at me. I felt extremely uncomfortable and I wanted to run and hide, but there was nowhere to go. I kept walking and trying to keep the appearance that I was strong and proud. But inside I was absolutely freaking out. Then I woke up! Hmmm… I think the t-shirt was supposed to say SOBER! LOL!



You can purchase this T-Shirt from www.zazzle.com

Today on my walk to work, I thought about my dream as I was passing the crowds on the street. I wondered. Would they really stare? Would they even notice? In the city you see some crazy stuff sometimes. I mean really c.r.a.z.y.! So I am not sure that anyone would really notice.

I wonder if all this is really, just in my head!

When I got to my office I told my coworker about my dream and asked him what he thought would happen if I actually did that. He knows that I am in recovery and has been very supportive, so maybe he is somewhat bias, but he said no, no one would care! I asked why he thought that. He said it wasn't strange/weird/crazy enough for the city, maybe in the suburbs where I live, I would have a better chance of turning heads. LOL! Turning heads.... Ha Ha!


So I don’t know. I found it interesting that my dream was so powerful and it came just as I have decided to “out” myself more. I guess, there still is, that part of me, which feels shameful… and afraid! But that’s OK, any change can be hard to adjust to. I am just going to keep doing it and it will become easier. Practice makes perfect, right?! The important part for me, is that I stay true to myself!

p.s. I think I am going to have to get one of those t-shirts!