Good grief, sometimes I feel like nothing is wrong yet noting is right! I manage to get obsessed about this and the other, and then I finally get over it and as soon as I do, I find something new to dwell on. And I am constantly in my head and I can't seem to be able to quiet it down. I think my thoughts are running a mile a minute! I don't know what's going on!
Except, I think I am going thru a growth spurt of some sort. Usually, I seem to get crazy right before I am going to go thru a spiritual change, like an enlightenment about something, or maybe I will learn something new that will help me live a better life. I can feel it coming, and because the change is also scary, I am feeling all discombobulated. But then it happens and I feel an amazing relief and openness! Of course I don't know what this new thing maybe be. Oh well, just got to wait till it happens; let go and let God. (Ha ha, that is a repeating solution right?) It's ok. Everything is just OK! Then, I was thinking that my Anniversary is coming up next month, and I am feeling like I should have done much more in 5 years, I mean I should have had more growth spiritually I think. And at the same time I can't believe that it has been 5 years since I took a drink. WOW. Unbelievable. Crazy, unbelievable! How did that happen!?
Interestingly enough, I read this blog few nights ago called Lowering the Boom Box written by the wonderful Paul of the Message in the Bottle blog. It is about being comfortable in the silence instead of always tuning out with something else. He writes:
Silence is what my mind and soul craves these days. I seek solace in the silence and navigate my way through my own spirit without distractions. I let the low humming of passing cars be my mantra. I find comfort in the swishing of skate blades on ice as I sit in the park near the rink. Rain on the hood of my car is as soothing as anything else I can find on itunes. Silence is my music now.
I really have been thinking about this because I've been sooo in my head and frankly, I am getting really tired of it. And wether I am having a growth spurt or not, I don't like the way I am feeling, so I am going to try to change it. I suppose this is sort of like meditation, just using the sounds that you find around you; I think I can do that, well I am going to try it anyway! Hope that will quiet my head :)
Awwww...thanks for the very kind shout out :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, as usual! I was going through something similar, and it was my sponsor who really shone a light on it. Like you, I tend to get a bit squirrely before any sort of breakthrough. For you, you get a bit crazy, as you say. For me, I tend to retreat into my old character defects. I start to shy away from the change that I don't even know is coming! So now that I think about it, I too get crazy. I brought this up to my sponsor once and he said he is the same as well...it always seems crazy before the breakthrough. And he was right...and you are right. that is exactly what happens to us. I think that it's a pretty amazing thing...I just wish it wasn't surrounded by deep seated fear.
As for the wanting or thinking of having had more spiritual experiences...i feel the same for myself. I think many of us do. I expect that there will be this huge epiphany every time I wake up, or there is going to be some enlightening of some sort when I pump gas or go shopping. But I think just being in life, practicing spiritual principles, just *being* in the world, helping others, being recovered...I think that is where we need to be. I don't know...just how I feel these days.
Super duper congrats on 5 years coming up!!! I can't wait to get up there!!
Love and Light,
Paul
Thanks Paul! I don’t know how that happened, I swear, all I did was put one foot in front of the other, and the years just kept passing... well, and I didn't take drink :)
Delete