I am not a naturally positive person and really I am not sure that anyone really is. Well, maybe. Maybe there are those people who always have a smile on their face and always have something good to say no matter what is going on in their lives. I suppose it is just like the people that always complain, right? I think I was always one of those people! I just complained. I had no problem telling anyone how bad it was, how stupid I was or they were, how my life sucked and how their life sucked too. My story was always the same: my mom was an alcoholic, my dad didn't care about me, I had no money, I had a crappy job and the only men that were interested in me were assholes. Yep, that was my life - or at least what I thought of my life at the time.
When I was in rehab, every morning we were supposed to write on the big white board in the meeting room, one thing that was good about our life. I had nothing. I just wrote "I was here." I am sure this was still part of my defiance since the rehab was court ordered. But. Seriously, I actually couldn't think of anything. I couldn't think of anything good about my life!
So it has been quite a challenge to change that behavior. The negativity had become second nature, it was just the way I was. I remember the first time I decided that I was not going to get up and get out of bed in a grumpy mood. I decided that I was going to greet everyone with a smile and ask how they were doing. It felt really uncomfortable, and it was such a change from - don't you talk to me till I am on my second cup of coffee and another cigarette! - yep, that's how my mornings used to be.
Today I have to work at being positive, still. I have to get up each day and say:
Today is going to be a good day!
I have to keep the gratitude and I have to believe that the glass is half full at all times! Then some days are still scrappy, and I just have to put a smile on my face an keep on trudging. And that's OK too. I just remind myself that tomorrow is always filled with promise and I would rather have to work on being positive than dealing with the crazy, viscous cycle of alcoholism.
So hang in there friends! Sober life is good! Keep on smiling!
