Last night at the meeting, the leader talked about her "not AGAINs." She talked about how the "not yets" are hard for her to measure. Since she doesn't know what they could be, they just don't seem real to her. But the "not agains" she knows very well; if she picks up, all the agains will happen... again!
She went on saying that again she would think she has it all under control, and she could just have a few, again she would end up drinking way more, again she would wake up with a horrendous hangover, again she would stumble to work, again she would be waiting anxiously to drink after 5pm, again she would get drunk with no intentions to do so, again she would be hangover, and on and on! Again she would have done something stupid, and again she would feel shame and guilt! And again she would have to crawl back to the rooms and again she would have to start over! "Not again!" She exclaimed at the end.
I know I can't capture the power of her lead here, but I tell you, I was in tears! Seriously. I still have some "not yets" I am sure, although I had several serious consequences caused by my drinking (You can read about it in My Journey section). We all have not yets, and yes, they are hard to believe sometimes, because we tend to think that, well that can't/won't happen to me! But the "not agains," OMG, I know all of those! I've been there many times, it doesn't get better, it's just the same viscous cycle, over and over and over again, except each time it gets worse! It never gets better! I have never heard anyone say, oh "I went out and it was fabulous!" - and well if it was I suppose they wouldn't be back in the rooms, right?!
So on the flip side, I am going to end with this:
I am so very grateful to not have to drink again, and that I am feeling good this morning again, and that I never have to feel shame or guilt again, and that I am sober again!
Happy sober Monday AGAIN!
