Be Proud to be Sober

I have been outing myself more and more. I hope I am not going against the AA traditions, but I am feeling like what is the point of being in recovery if no one knows and I can't share it and hopefully help someone else. So here and there I have just been disclosing more about being sober and my recovery. In talking to few people, I have realized that I tend to be more bothered by being the one not drinking than the people around me. People just don't seem to care as much as I think they do. Strangely enough, we are the one who still carry all the shame associated with alcoholism.

I know that being sober I admit that I have a problem, I admit that I am an alcoholic. Yes, it sounds rough, leaves a bit of a bad taste in the mouth, huh? But it is the truth. I have the disease of alcoholism, no matter how you phrase it. At the same time I am a sober alcoholic which means that I have been able to turn my life around despite the low statistics - only about 3% of people that try recovery, actually succeed. But I didn't do it alone! It's time to share with others what has freely been given to me in hope that they too find the strength and are encouraged to do the same. We don't have to suffer alone!

I know there is stigma still surrounding alcoholism and addiction. I know some people still believe that it is a lack of self control and no moral standards that cause our addictions. But you know what, that is just not true, you know it and I know it! If I could have willed it away I would have! And today,  I'd rather people say, oh there is that boring girl who doesn't drink anymore, than oh there is that drunk girl again, wonder what fiasco she will cause tonight! And, you know, really, what other people think of me is none of my business, because if it is not this, then there will be something else they will find to talk about.  I am no better or worse than others!

Acceptance is the key here. We are all exactly how we are supposed to be. We are all where we are supposed to be. We all have issues to deal with. I am an alcoholic. That doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes ME.

I wish I felt this way in early sobriety, maybe I wouldn't have done so much research, and questioned it so much: am I? am I not? Who cares, really. I knew the answer long before my last drink. And if getting sober seemed like an amazing thing to do, like running a marathon or climbing a mountain, maybe I would have gotten to it sooner! But getting sober seemed shameful! Why?

The point is that sobriety should not be shameful! We who find sobriety have worked our arses off and continue to do so to stay sober! That is a lot of work and perseverance! Getting sober IS amazing and for me the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. If everyone out there understood how horribly difficult it is to deal with this cunning and baffling disease of addiction, they too would be proud!  And maybe the people still struggling with their addiction would find it easier to raise above and get sober! And then you can run a marathon or climb a mountain too! We should be proud! I AM proud!

YOU. Should. Be. Proud!

Another St. Patty's Day Sober!

So, of course I have to reminisce about the good old days!

I remember once, I went with few friends to an Irish pub in old town, it was 8 am - yes in the morning - and the bar was opening at 9 am for St. Patrick's day. There was a long line outside holding the promise of this being the place to be! When we finally got in, the bar was packed and loud and I thought it was awesome! It was hard to get to the bar and even harder to get drinks. So after the first round of Guinness, of course, and some shots of Jameson, we were ordering doubles of everything, you know just in case it took to long to get another drink!

And... that's about all I remember.... I woke up in the back seat of our empty car! Apparently I got really sloshed, so my "friends" took me out to the car and left me there while they continued the festivities! I remember thinking, that it was only early afternoon, there was much more time to party! So I went back to the bar and they were still there! They made fun of me for a bit, saying that I was a light weight! Ha! So I showed them! And there went some more Guinness and Jameson! And I don't remember the rest.

That was that and I am sure the next day was spent hangover, full of shame, trying to piece the day/night together, figuring out how, who and when, and swearing not to drink starting at 9 am ever again, which I of course did happen again...

So today, it's St. Patty's day and I feel as lucky as a jolly leprechaun to be sober! I will go to a meeting in the morning and see some of my favorite people and hear their crazy St. Patty's stories. Then we will celbrate my daughters 9.5 bday - yes, the half is very imortant she says! -  and we will laugh and play and enjoying being a family. Then I will go to bed sober and I will wake up sober, and there will be no shame, no guilt, no beating myself up, and no trying to piece together the previous day. Then I will go to work sober and deal with my grouchy hangover coworkers, who at times like these, are the perfect reminder of why I don't drink anymore!