All I Got is Hope

My life has been immersed in recovery for quite some time. I had a long and difficult journey to where I am toady. I am so very grateful for this life and for sobriety. I have been given another chance at life and I am reminded so often that many of us do not get this chance. Many of us do not make it.

I lost another friend to this damn disease few weeks ago and I have again been in a strange place with many feelings of anger, sadness and disbelief. What can I bring out of this that will help others? - I keep thinking. I wish there was an easy answer, I wish there was something I could say that was so profound that you would decide today, right now, not to ever take another drink again! 

But all I got is hope. 

Hope is not merely wishful thinking; it is much more than that. Hope is knowing and strongly believing that though one is in a desperate situation, things will improve. This faith and optimism has helped me gather enough courage to get through it, keep trying, and continue moving forward. Life can be hard. But I also know that it isn't always. There are many things to be grateful for everyday, after all we are still in the midst of life! And life is constantly changing, just like the weather, no two days are alike. But with hope the bad days are better and the great days are the proof that hope works. 

Addiction is so very powerful. It has so many pieces to it. It's not just putting down the drink or drug. It's learning a new way of life. It's learning to take steps towards a better tomorrow. It's growing new relationships and mending the old ones. It's finding courage where there seems to be none. It's facing life on life's terms. It's a journey, one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. And then the days start adding up, good things start happening, and our attitudes become more positive. Little by little we grow, and we change, and hope is always there to carry us through it all. 

I have hope that for every one of us that doesn't make it, there are many more that do. I hope that someone reading this today will find the hope and give sobriety a chance!

Be Proud to be Sober

I have been outing myself more and more. I hope I am not going against the AA traditions, but I am feeling like what is the point of being in recovery if no one knows and I can't share it and hopefully help someone else. So here and there I have just been disclosing more about being sober and my recovery. In talking to few people, I have realized that I tend to be more bothered by being the one not drinking than the people around me. People just don't seem to care as much as I think they do. Strangely enough, we are the one who still carry all the shame associated with alcoholism.

I know that being sober I admit that I have a problem, I admit that I am an alcoholic. Yes, it sounds rough, leaves a bit of a bad taste in the mouth, huh? But it is the truth. I have the disease of alcoholism, no matter how you phrase it. At the same time I am a sober alcoholic which means that I have been able to turn my life around despite the low statistics - only about 3% of people that try recovery, actually succeed. But I didn't do it alone! It's time to share with others what has freely been given to me in hope that they too find the strength and are encouraged to do the same. We don't have to suffer alone!

I know there is stigma still surrounding alcoholism and addiction. I know some people still believe that it is a lack of self control and no moral standards that cause our addictions. But you know what, that is just not true, you know it and I know it! If I could have willed it away I would have! And today,  I'd rather people say, oh there is that boring girl who doesn't drink anymore, than oh there is that drunk girl again, wonder what fiasco she will cause tonight! And, you know, really, what other people think of me is none of my business, because if it is not this, then there will be something else they will find to talk about.  I am no better or worse than others!

Acceptance is the key here. We are all exactly how we are supposed to be. We are all where we are supposed to be. We all have issues to deal with. I am an alcoholic. That doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes ME.

I wish I felt this way in early sobriety, maybe I wouldn't have done so much research, and questioned it so much: am I? am I not? Who cares, really. I knew the answer long before my last drink. And if getting sober seemed like an amazing thing to do, like running a marathon or climbing a mountain, maybe I would have gotten to it sooner! But getting sober seemed shameful! Why?

The point is that sobriety should not be shameful! We who find sobriety have worked our arses off and continue to do so to stay sober! That is a lot of work and perseverance! Getting sober IS amazing and for me the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. If everyone out there understood how horribly difficult it is to deal with this cunning and baffling disease of addiction, they too would be proud!  And maybe the people still struggling with their addiction would find it easier to raise above and get sober! And then you can run a marathon or climb a mountain too! We should be proud! I AM proud!

YOU. Should. Be. Proud!