In My Subconscious

I have about a four block walk from the metro train stop to my office, through the main part of the city, along the famous street that gets closed often so that the presidential caravan can pass through on the way to the White House. So to say the least, a very busy section of the city.

Last night I had a dream, or a nightmare?, ok, a dream, that I walked the four blocks wearing a black t-shirt with huge white letters that said ALCOHOLIC.  As I was walking, with every step, I felt the piercing stares of others, whispering and laughing and pointing at me. I felt extremely uncomfortable and I wanted to run and hide, but there was nowhere to go. I kept walking and trying to keep the appearance that I was strong and proud. But inside I was absolutely freaking out. Then I woke up! Hmmm… I think the t-shirt was supposed to say SOBER! LOL!



You can purchase this T-Shirt from www.zazzle.com

Today on my walk to work, I thought about my dream as I was passing the crowds on the street. I wondered. Would they really stare? Would they even notice? In the city you see some crazy stuff sometimes. I mean really c.r.a.z.y.! So I am not sure that anyone would really notice.

I wonder if all this is really, just in my head!

When I got to my office I told my coworker about my dream and asked him what he thought would happen if I actually did that. He knows that I am in recovery and has been very supportive, so maybe he is somewhat bias, but he said no, no one would care! I asked why he thought that. He said it wasn't strange/weird/crazy enough for the city, maybe in the suburbs where I live, I would have a better chance of turning heads. LOL! Turning heads.... Ha Ha!


So I don’t know. I found it interesting that my dream was so powerful and it came just as I have decided to “out” myself more. I guess, there still is, that part of me, which feels shameful… and afraid! But that’s OK, any change can be hard to adjust to. I am just going to keep doing it and it will become easier. Practice makes perfect, right?! The important part for me, is that I stay true to myself!

p.s. I think I am going to have to get one of those t-shirts!