In my last post The Little Miracles I talked about sharing - or whining more like it - at a meeting about some of my family members going on a skiing trip and me not being invited. The other part if that story was that they will all be gone over the Thanksgiving holiday and this will be the first year EVER that I will not be spending the holiday with my family of origin. I have known this for about a month now and of course the closer the holiday is, the more upset I have become. Ugh. I feel like my family just doesn't care about me and I am all alone.
I also feel extra emotional about this because since my mom passed two years ago, we have seen each other even less; it seems that she was the glue that held us together. Thanksgiving was also the last holiday we spent with her - it was quite difficult as she was no longer able speak or move on her own. It was a very hard day to get thru and last year it was a very hard day to get thru without her.
But now that I have been sober for a while, I often feel that since I am sober we should be a “real” family! I feel like maybe I could be the glue that keeps us together, especially being the only woman left. maybe my house could be the house everyone gathers at! Unfortunately, I just keep forgetting that I can't just change my relationship with my family because I have changed! I spent many years avoiding them because I was too busy drinking. I was never there for them at all, and I do still feel somewhat guilty about that. So I really think that I am having unreasonable expectations about our relationship, that's for sure.
So all this has been swirling in my head for the last month, and since it appears that I have misplaced my gratitude, the Month of Gratitude has certainly helped! You see, nothing has actually changed in my family dynamic, we have always been sort of aloof. But once again I am looking for something out there instead of focusing on things right here in front of me! And I have seemed to have forgotten that I have a family of my own - husband and three kids and really awesome in-laws. These are the important relationships that need to be nurtured and appreciated! And my family of origins is still there, and they do support me and are proud of me, I do know that. But they have their lives and that's ok. I am not alone, not in the least bit!
The world doesn't change because I got sober.
But I change the way I view the world!
November is the month of gratitude!
As I mentioned in the Month of Gratitude post, here is my list for the past week:Day 19: I am grateful for my awesome husband.
Day 20: I am grateful for my dear friend Mary who has been keeping me sane this week!
Day 21: I am grateful for coworkers who make my work day less stressful.
Day 22: I am grateful for Facebook - it's an amazing way to stay connected with my sober network.
Day 23: I am grateful for a reminder of how my life used to be, it sure brings things in perspective.
Day 24: I am grateful for yummy dinner at the in-laws.
What are you grateful for?
I love this post! I feel this way so often.My mother died 5 years ago and the holidays (which she love) have changed and it sucks! It's just not the same - that season is over. A new chapter.I am with my husband's family EVERY holiday these days. They are great cooks so that's a plus!
ReplyDeleteYour last post was so helpful to me, too....I have this group of friends who just don't seem to invite me to their things... Birthday lunches,dinners etc..And, YES - maybe that is God's way of keeping me from those drinking lunches and nights (and gossip). Oh thank God they don't invite me any more - it would just be annoying. What great insight - thanks for sharing.
I am grateful for my husband, healthy lovely children, sober pen pals, my career, my mother-in law (most of the time...), my dog, hugs, books, yummy food, a nice home, my warm bed and being sober tonight!
I like your blog!
Jenny G.
Hi jenny, I am really glad you like this post and the other one. Holiday are hard when they change, huh? I don't know if you ever get used to that, but I have to look at the good things and share new traditions! It's great that you have you're husbands family too and that they are great cooks :) I truly believe that the man upstairs sure works in mysterious way, sometimes I don't see them right away, but when I do I am very grateful!
ReplyDeleteThanks for you're great comment and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Yeah, it is so easy to focus on what we don't have, and forget to appreciate what we do. I love your return to the basics, our nuclear families, our friends, even our cozy warm beds. I really appreciate your perspective, and the reminder that I can change myself, but everyone else is in charge of themselves- and I cannot change that. Thanks!!
ReplyDeleteCarrieK at Day #28
Hi Carrie, congrats on 28 days, very cool! And thank you for stopping by. This has definitely been one of the harder leas sons for me to learn, but rescue tally i read this quote, it said nothing other people do id because of us, it's because of them. So very true, and I am the only one in charge of my happiness!
DeleteI get how you write nothing has changed, but everything has changed because we changed. This is powerful. Thank you. Lisa
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa! Thank you, yes everything has changed and something's haven't. And I can change but I can't change other. As long as I can remember that, then I am not looking for the things out there that are right in here. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteWhat a great post! It's true that just because were sober, it doesn't mean our troubles will evaporate. What does change, however, is that we become better equipped to deal with them, as you've shown here! Keep up the good works!
ReplyDeleteHi Al! Yes, I never though I could actually "deal" with things, I only knew how to drink over things. I was good at that! Lol! But I am learning that actually dealing with things brings me to new place of freedom. Freedom from the shame and the guilt. Thanks for stopping by Al!
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