It's Good To Be Sober

Strangely enough almost any situation in life reminds me of how good it is to be sober. Like today for instance; I had to leave work early because my son got in trouble at school and they want him picked up. In my old days I... well, first of all wouldn't have a son to pick up, second of all, wouldn't have a job to leave, third of all, wouldn't have a car to drive to pick up my son with!

So, well in reality, today just would not happen!

But if I was still drinking, and if I had the job and the car and the son, I would most likely stop at the store to pick up some wine first. Then call everyone in the book and bitch about it! Then I would have blamed myself for the entire situation and sat on my pity pot wallowing in how the world is a horrible place and I am a horrible person! I would have turned it all onto myself, totally forgetting about my son. I would have drunk myself into oblivion I am sure, and I would not be able to take care of him.

Or in the second scenario, that I actually had a son, but not the job, or the car, I would have most likely been too drunk to pick him up - after all it is Friday and after noon! -  and I am sure I would have been at least on the first, shoot, probably the second bottle of wine. Ha!

But today, I am sober! Yey!

And I am on my way to pick up my son...

My Sober Toolbox: How to Stay Sober at Drinking Events

I recently had a conversation with a young lady, just few months sober. She was really worried because she was going to a wedding this weekend and she was wondering about how she was going to deal with saying NO to drinks.

This conversation reminded me about how hard it was to say no in the beginning. There was that strange moment when my mind would go in circles and I try to figure out what I was going to say and if I was going to be able to say it! And of course, how will the other person will react. Will they push on? Will they ask why? Will they laugh at me? Will I have to explain? Will I feel left out? Will I feel uncool? Will I have any fun?! Ugh. A lot to worry about, right?

So I was thinking about all the tools that I have collected over the years and I have put together a list of what I learned when going to events where alcohol will be served:

1.  DON'T GO
This alone will save you every time! I know sometimes it is not possible not to go. The key here is to be honest with yourself, if you are not comfortable with it, seriously, don't go. This was and is still the most important decision I make. I have no business being at an event where drinking is the MAIN event! - read my post Company Events

2.  Make sure that your head is in a good place
The worst may be to go if you are sad, mad or resentful, since we are used to drinking at things this maybe a big trigger.

3.  If you are open to AA go to a meeting and share about it
Chances are that you will get some great support and you will feel stronger and more confident.

4.  Have a plan and be prepared
Play out couple of "what if" scenarios, make a decision on what you will do when it becomes to slippery - I would definitely leave.

5.  Take a buddy preferably a non drinking one
One that understands how important it is for you not to drink; one that would slap that drink right out of your hand!

6.  Bring some gum or candy
I find that this helped me with the cravings alot.

7.  Get a none alcoholic drink as soon as you get there
 Hold it all night long, and stick a lime in it and voilà! It looks like drink-drink.

8.  Say: No, thank you. - and that's all
No one needs an explanation, just walk away or change the conversation to the other person.

9.  Call/text your support person
If you were not able to bring a buddy, have one available to contact. Sometimes just talking to someone who understands is all that you need.

10.  LEAVE
Again, this one alone will save you but sometimes it is not possible to do. If you can,  just sneak out, pretending to go to the bathroom or something. I bet no one will even notice.

If you are open to AA go to a meeting and share about your experience; sometimes the cravings are even stronger after the event, and you maybe feel more vulnerable.

I know, I know. This is not easy. I avoided many events in the beginning. But at some point I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink and I was ready to make this commitment: Do not drink no matter what!

Recently I had to say - No thank you. - at a restaurant, several times, while few different waiters come by with wine service. One of them said - Oh, really? - with a really disappointed tone in her voice. - Yes, we don't drink. - I said, and honestly, I was ready to kick her ass, too! Lol! Anyway, the point is that I have no problem now, but thinking back to the beginning, that would have been unbelievably difficult! So protect your sobriety, because this thing is powerful, it comes from no where and when least expected.

Be prepared and don't forget to have fun!

If You Knew Me Then

I was sitting at the kitchen table last night, putting patches on my daughter's girl scout's vest with great care, making sure that they were evenly spaced and in the correct places on the vest. Then, I had the strangest feeling come over me: Is this really me? Wow. Who is this person? So strange.

You see, if you knew me then, this would not make any sense to you either! Because back then, I was just a party girl! Children and husbands were not part of this equation - clubs, bars and concerts most definitely were! If there was a party, I was there! I was "fly by the seat of your pants" kinda girl - I often just took off somewhere just to go to a party, it didn't matter how far. I once went to Ocean City, MD just to see a band play - 3 hour drive. I could out drink and out last anyone!

My new string bean plant

Then in my later drinking days, it  was quite the opposite - afraid to make an ass of myself again, and haven pissed off and alienated many people I stayed at home. Me, myself and the bottle, or rather bottles, many bottles. Sitting on the couch, in some raggedy sweats staring at the tube and passing out whenever convenient. My days were irrelevant, and continued without any purpose or direction other than to drink. I didn't have a job to go to, or friends to visit, in fact I didn't have anywhere to be. I was depressed, lonely and angry. I hated me and I hated you! And, I hated it all.

Looking at me now, you would have never believe that I was that person, let alone a mom of three and involved with the girl scouts! (If you are not familiar with the GS organization - it requires lots of parental participation.) You would have a hard time believing that I live in a house in the suburbs and plant flowers and and I have my own vegetable garden. You would be amazed at the amounts of cookies and cupcakes that I bake for my kids events. And you would have a hard time believing that I have a full time job and I have had it for the past 3+ years. You would probably notice that I no longer have dark circle under my eyes and my skin is not pale anymore. You would notice that I smile a lot!

You would not be able to comprehend that I used to sit in a dark room and drink myself into an oblivion, night after night.
 
Who was that person?
 
It is still hard for me to believe that I was that person and that I am sober and that this is my life now. I seriously have to pinch myself every day, just to make sure! I would have never dreamed of this, even thought in reality this is the life I have always wanted and I am only living it today because I am sober.