April 19, 2013

Keep Calm and Carry On

I have been reading tons lately, and found some really interesting and supportive information. I also noticed that many people out there are not so keen on the AA program, and that is OK. I wasn't either in the beginning! So, I was reading the reasons why people felt AA couldn’t work for them, and I started questioning if AA was right for me! (What?!) This seemed rather silly since AA has been a part of my life for so many years now, yet my brain entertained the idea…

Here I pondered: well too many rules - yep, yep, well, all those steps to follow - yep, yep. Well, you have to get a sponsor, yep... and all the meetings and 90 & 90 and the books and ... Yep, yep, yep again. And of course I am strong too and I am determined and self-sufficient, yep, yep, and... I am 5 years sober for goodness sake! YEP! That is a long time! Geeez, I should have this ALL figured out! I shouldn't have to do all that work anymore! I think… maybe little less would be better.... hmmm.

Then yesterday morning I get a text- Hi, would you like to share your experience, strength and hope at a meeting tonight? - oh goodness I thought, ummm, well, .... I was going to do less... Dag, but... I was always told you never say no to being of service, (dag another rule!) consequently, I said... Yes.

And so, I go to the meeting, I am a little early, I get many hugs, I see people I haven't seen in a long time and they are still sober! Totally awesome! I share my story, I get few laughs, I get few tears, I even get some tears myself as a woman recalls my first few months in AA – oh how stubborn was I! LOL! I look around the room, people are nodding and relating. A woman shares about when she comes to the rooms she feels like this is the only place that makes sense to her. A man shares about struggling with the springtime weather and wanting to drink, another shares about wanting to drink with her coworkers after a job well done! Another talks about the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stay sober and she is going to keep coming back!

Then a woman shares about not being sure that she is an alcoholic, and not being sure that AA is the right fit for her, sometimes she feels like she cannot relate to any of the stores, but she can always relate to the feelings, the feelings of shame, guilt and loneliness! She then says, "The day I think that I have it all figured out, is the day I need to get my ass back in a  meeting, because it is cunning and baffling!"

Oh man, did that hit home! A light bulb moment! Yep. Yep. This disease wants me to believe I have it all figured out! But don't! I need AA; I am a better person because of the 12 steps. I do not want to go back to that crazy life. And, I have heard too many times by now about people who get complacent, they don't keep doing steps, they don't keep helping others, they don't stay connected and then... BAM! They drink again! Why am I even questioning this?? Uhg. No matter how we stay sober we just need to keep doing what we are doing. Pushing forward! Keep calm and carry on!

So I reflect back to the little paragraph which is at the end of the Step One chapter. This is my reminder that I need to keep diligent!
Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect—unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. - AA 12 Steps And 12 Traditions


  1. Ughh...I had a long reply to this and I lost it. Sigh.

    Anyway, short notes - LOVED this post. Loved it.

    God shot there, to say the least. Funny how they crop up, eh?

    And yes, the ego rebuilds, doesn't it? We have heard over and over the times people have thought that they "got" it, and then went back out. I too have had those moments of "yeah, why do I need this any more?" and then I slap myself with a ruler over the hand and keep trudging. There is no other way for me. it's worked when nothing in my life has worked. Why tinker with it? And what does it cost me? nothing - a few hours during the week.

    And as for the AA thing - I used to go off the deep end when it came to AA bashing (I am not talking about those who don't know about it or don't feel comfortable or interested , I am talking about those who just trash the program completely). I have learned a lot this year in tolerance and acceptance. It happens more in the recover forums, not on the blogosphere. Lots of love and support from all kinds out here. Gets a bit sticky in the message boards! But I am learning...slowly not to get my back up when someone says something disparaging about AA. Again, none of my business, and AA doesn't need defending from a slug like me.

    Mini rant done :)

    I loved this post so much - did I mention that?



    1. Thanks Paul! Love the God shots! Lol! You know A vision for you comes to mind.."We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us." And ,Yep the AA thing... Well the last thing I wanted to do, ever, was to be in AA, but it ended up being the only thing that worked for me, and now that it has I want to share it with everyone! But but yeah... AA doesn't need defending, it's for people who want it. And in the end if you get sober and stay sober that is all that matters! Woot woot!


Keep moving forward!