April 22, 2013

We Danced Sober, and I am OK

So my husband and I went to the AA Spring Fling dance and truly had a blast. It was absolutely amazing to see all these sober people dancing their butts off! I felt so grateful. So much fun and sober, something I used to think that was undeniably impossible. But I tell you, sober fun is even more awesome; I think the excitement seem to be heightened because it is all natural! LOL! And the fact that you can remember the entire night is a definite plus!

Of course I can't say I wasn't nervous before we got there; my mind was going nuts with insecurities just like it used to in the drinking days. Except those days I had a few drinks to calm it all down! Isn't it amazing what alcohol used to do for me? Couple of glasses of wine and I looked better - definitely slimmer, my clothes fit better, make-up was perfect and attitude of confidence beaming from ear to ear! HA!

Well, what is a girl got to do without her "trusty" courage in the bottle? Tough... But well, if I want to be happy and have a good time I have to drop all that shit on my own! Easier said than done for sure. I was brought up surrounded by negativity and often ridiculed for the way I looked. It all still hangs around like a big dark cloud. Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Words that I used to live by. UGH. And today, 11 months after my third child and still carrying some of the baby weight... well, let's just say that finding real confidence was a wee bit difficult!

Oh... I think I changed my outfit at least 10 times, each time running to a different mirror in the house. I can't even tell you about the crazy thought process that was going on in my head - it wasn't pretty! My husband looking very perplexed as he lifted his head up from the phone several times... At one point I stopped and asked if he was ready, he said YES. Is this what you're wearing? -I asked looking at his black tee shirt and jeans. YES, he said. You're OK with that? - I asked. YES, I look good in this shirt - He said.

I look good in many "shirts," but I keep asking myself if others will like my shirt, like I am trying to please others, why am I not trying to please me? Why do I let these damn old tapes play in my head, when I know that they are not true! Ugh. Here again acceptance is absolutely necessary - wallowing in my self-pity is completely useless. Letting go of my old beliefs is crucial to my happiness now, and always. I have to accept me for me, just as I am. This is me. I am ok.

I am OK with me.

I love this line from the AA Big Book; I can apply it to anything in my life!
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." - AA Big Book, Chapter 5.


  1. Last weekend my husband and I went to an outdoor bonfire where last year I drank 4 little wine bottles during (and then more from my bigger bottle when I got home). This time, I brought a travel thermal mug of hot tea and husband brought iced tea he made at home. Our kids had Gatorade. Guess what? No one else was drinking alcohol except for one older woman who had her mini wine bottles. I felt so happy to have my tea (the hostess was drinking the same) and it was such an enjoyable sober evening. You are right -- letting go and accepting myself is the way to happiness.

    1. Oh, at sounds awesome, sober bonfire! Isn't it strange, I used to think that people drank everywhere all the time, but when I got sober I noticed that only I drank everywhere all the time! Lol!


Keep moving forward!