We Danced Sober, and I am OK

So my husband and I went to the AA Spring Fling dance and truly had a blast. It was absolutely amazing to see all these sober people dancing their butts off! I felt so grateful. So much fun and sober, something I used to think that was undeniably impossible. But I tell you, sober fun is even more awesome; I think the excitement seem to be heightened because it is all natural! LOL! And the fact that you can remember the entire night is a definite plus!

Of course I can't say I wasn't nervous before we got there; my mind was going nuts with insecurities just like it used to in the drinking days. Except those days I had a few drinks to calm it all down! Isn't it amazing what alcohol used to do for me? Couple of glasses of wine and I looked better - definitely slimmer, my clothes fit better, make-up was perfect and attitude of confidence beaming from ear to ear! HA!

Well, what is a girl got to do without her "trusty" courage in the bottle? Tough... But well, if I want to be happy and have a good time I have to drop all that shit on my own! Easier said than done for sure. I was brought up surrounded by negativity and often ridiculed for the way I looked. It all still hangs around like a big dark cloud. Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Words that I used to live by. UGH. And today, 11 months after my third child and still carrying some of the baby weight... well, let's just say that finding real confidence was a wee bit difficult!

Oh... I think I changed my outfit at least 10 times, each time running to a different mirror in the house. I can't even tell you about the crazy thought process that was going on in my head - it wasn't pretty! My husband looking very perplexed as he lifted his head up from the phone several times... At one point I stopped and asked if he was ready, he said YES. Is this what you're wearing? -I asked looking at his black tee shirt and jeans. YES, he said. You're OK with that? - I asked. YES, I look good in this shirt - He said.

I look good in many "shirts," but I keep asking myself if others will like my shirt, like I am trying to please others, why am I not trying to please me? Why do I let these damn old tapes play in my head, when I know that they are not true! Ugh. Here again acceptance is absolutely necessary - wallowing in my self-pity is completely useless. Letting go of my old beliefs is crucial to my happiness now, and always. I have to accept me for me, just as I am. This is me. I am ok.

I am OK with me.


I love this line from the AA Big Book; I can apply it to anything in my life!
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." - AA Big Book, Chapter 5.