I sat on the beach and watched them.
Nothing to do.
I felt uncomfortable. I have to admit, I still don't know how to be when there is nothing to do. In the past, when there was nothing to do I just drank. It seems to be ingrained in me. Lol! I just don't know what do with myself. So weird. There were other people there from my camping trip, so I looked towards them in hopes of starting a conversation. We started a small talk of sorts... Then I said - This is so nice. Nothing to do. - they laughed. Then they all started exchanging stories of "When I was drinking ... " - and we laughed about how common our stories were. How doing nothing is so strangely difficult. It was quite amazing, that they felt the same way. This, I found comforting yet still weird. How come we are unable to enjoy the nothing? Hmmm... Maybe because it keeps us from being with ourselves. I sure didn't like myself when I was drinking! Ugh. But today, I no longer have those feelings, today I am ok in my own skin.
Finally the conversation ran its course and I looked out over the water. I decided that I was going to try to just be in the moment. I read this article not long ago, about how to be in the moment. I remembered this part of it:
"Listen to the world. The birds, the sounds of one car passing, the conversations of distant strangers, the cracks and creaks of the building as it heats and cools, the planes overhead, the footsteps of passers-by. The moment is all around you." - Live in the Moment -
I was able to do this for about 10 minutes... I think! It was really amazing. Very freeing. I felt like nothing mattered, just me sitting on the sand, the sound of my kids playing, the humming of the ocean, the whistle of the wind and the big puffy clouds in the sky.
|Sandy Point, Virginia|