I have realized that I just want to be perpetually happy!
When I think about how hard I work at being happy, a certain cartoon from the 90's comes to mind. Ah - Yes - The Ren and Stimpy Show! This was a cartoon about a perpetually angry Chihuahua and a perpetually jolly cat. One day Stimpy, the cat, concerned with Ren's prolonged unhappiness, invented the "happy helmet" just for Ren. He put it on Ren's head and started turning up the dial. All of the sudden, Ren had a smile on his face, from ear to ear, and then he started doing house chores and singing - I. Am. So. Happy! - in a crazed voice. Lol!
|Ren and Stimpy - Nickelodeon Animation Studio|
I have realized that this has become another way for me not to actually deal with my feelings.
Yep. Avoidance. Not facing the facts. Not dealing with issues. I don't want to feel this way so I will just get all wrapped up in everything else! LOL! I guess escape can come in many forms, including working really hard on being happy and not letting myself actually feel.
So, my funk has finally past but not until I was able to stop and just sit in the feelings - this time, I saw that I was running in circles trying to be happy - again - but I was still feeling blah, and now I was absolutely exhausted too, so I just stopped. I sat with my feelings. I just let them be there. I told myself that it was OK to feel this way. The feelings started to dissipate. I realized then, than I can honestly just be, be in the moment and accept it as the moment where I am meant to be in.