Every time I say that I am reminded that I believe that there is really no normalcy. I mean yes there is a routine but "normalcy?"
My mom in-law, the other day went on her rant about "the new normal" that you are often told to believe after someone close to you passes. She ranted so long it pissed me off and I said, I don't believe in this new normal, wtf, this ain't normal! My mother is dead! And I refuse to say this is my new normal! That's a load of crap just some way to make it sound better - anyway she started crying. I felt bad. We are both hurting...
So it got me thinking about acceptance and how hard it is to accept things, and I don't understand why. I am a logical person, it should be right? I mean if we accept certain things about life, just as they are, shouldn't death be one of them?
Accepting that I was an alcoholic took few years. Changing my life to the new none drinking normal is still going on. It's been a month since mom died. I guess this will take a while to get used to, too.
January 3, 2012
November 8, 2011
It's Been a Long Time
Yes it's been a long time. Just haven't been able to put things down on "paper." My mom is really close to the end and it has been unbelievably hard to manage it all in my head. So I'd rather not talk, write or think about it.
Yes I am still sober and even though I want an escape everyday, I haven't really had the urge to drink, but eating candy is another story...
Maybe this is a strange analogy but I feel like going thru my mom dying is sort of like getting sober. No one really understands what I am going thru unless they have too gone thru it. And I can't quite picture life without mom, yet it's so hard to see her suffering right now. And I have to just live one day at a time, sometimes one hour and find something positive.
This is a huge change which, not even I expected. I mean everybody's parents die at some point, that means everyone has to go thru this, yet I didn't not think it was gonna be this difficult.
So some positives in all this: I get to be of service, I get to spend time with my family, I get to help and support them, and I get to make a living amends.
Yes I am still sober and even though I want an escape everyday, I haven't really had the urge to drink, but eating candy is another story...
Maybe this is a strange analogy but I feel like going thru my mom dying is sort of like getting sober. No one really understands what I am going thru unless they have too gone thru it. And I can't quite picture life without mom, yet it's so hard to see her suffering right now. And I have to just live one day at a time, sometimes one hour and find something positive.
This is a huge change which, not even I expected. I mean everybody's parents die at some point, that means everyone has to go thru this, yet I didn't not think it was gonna be this difficult.
So some positives in all this: I get to be of service, I get to spend time with my family, I get to help and support them, and I get to make a living amends.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)