I Am Branching Out

I have been thinking a lot about the many guiding powers in my life that helped me achieve and keep sobriety. I am so very grateful that I landed in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, where I didn't just clean the past, and learn how to live life, but where I met people that just wouldn't give up on me no matter what! SO, I think it is time for me to give back, and among the few things that I have in mind, I have also decided to start a new blog that is more focused towards others, rather than me - a place where people can find all kinds of helpful information, and inspiration that would optimistically encourage them to get sober!


From: Google Images

There is also another reason for my new blog. I have been struggling with the anonymity part of AA, in the sense that although I do believe that it is a very important part of the fellowship and it was the reason I felt safe as a newcomer, I also feel that it has served me it's purpose and I no longer need the anonymity. That is not to say that I am no longer going to be a member of AA - I will continue and I will stay within the anonymity there - but to say that I don’t want to infringe on the traditions that are the core of the fellowship. It just seems that where I am in my sobriety doesn't seem to go well with the anonymity anymore. I am who I am!

I believe that anonymity can be helpful especially to the newcomers, because of the overwhelming stigma that is still associated with alcoholism and other addictions; but this is not a morality issue, this is not a choice of weakness or lack of self-control. No one ever wished to be an alcoholic when they grew up! This is a powerful disease, and I think it is time that these stigmas are broken! Getting sober should be an amazing decision to make for anyone, instead of a shameful one. And admitting that you have a problem and need help should empower people, not make them feel worthless. Sobriety should be celebrated, not kept like a dark secret!

So, saying all this, I have started my new blog, it is called Sober Courage. I hope you stop by!

I am also looking for some guest bloggers, to write posts about how they found courage to get sober or how they are finding it right now. I want this blog to celebrate sobriety! I want it to be the inspiration for others to say YEAH, I CAN DO THIS!

Please let me know if you are interested to be a guest on the Sober Courage blog. You can email me directly at sobercourage@gmail.com. Thank you!

p.s I still enjoy my own ramblings (LOL!) so I think at least for now, I am going to keep this blog going too – well I hope I can, I am feeling a bit like I am over my head here, but I think that is just my ego talking! LOL!

The NOT AGAINs of Drinking

There is this saying in the rooms when people with high bottoms refer to the consequence from drinking that have not yet happened for them, but still could if they drink again - they call them the "not yets."

Last night at the meeting, the leader talked about her "not AGAINs." She talked about how the "not yets" are hard for her to measure. Since she doesn't know what they could be, they just don't seem real to her. But the "not agains" she knows very well; if she picks up, all the agains will happen... again!

She went on saying that again she would think she has it all under control, and she could just have a few, again she would end up drinking way more, again she would wake up with a horrendous hangover, again she would stumble to work, again she would be waiting anxiously to drink after 5pm, again she would get drunk with no intentions to do so, again she would be hangover, and on and on! Again she would have done something stupid, and again she would feel shame and guilt! And again she would have to crawl back to the rooms and again she would have to start over!
"Not again!" She exclaimed at the end.

I know I can't capture the power of her lead here, but I tell you, I was in tears! Seriously. I still have some "not yets" I am sure, although I had several serious consequences caused by my drinking (You can read about it in My Journey section). We all have not yets, and yes, they are hard to believe sometimes, because we tend to think that, well that can't/won't happen to me! But the "not agains," OMG, I know all of those! I've been there many times, it doesn't get better, it's just the same viscous cycle, over and over and over again, except each time it gets worse! It never gets better! I have never heard anyone say, oh "I went out and it was fabulous!" - and well if it was I suppose they wouldn't be back in the rooms, right?!

So on the flip side, I am going to end with this:
I am so very grateful to not have to drink again, and that I am feeling good this morning again, and that I never have to feel shame or guilt again, and that I am sober again!

Happy sober Monday AGAIN!

Bloom Where You're Planted Sober

Making the best of what is in front of me has not been my natural instinct. And being happy with what I have is not either. I am used to getting in the self pity mode and then envy takes over, and I am miserable and feel like I will never measure up to others. I can be a very harsh judge of my own self.

When I was drinking the envy that I felt, was just another reason to drink. As my friends were buying houses and getting great jobs, I was still "partying" and enjoying my "freedom." Comparing myself to others was constant and it kept my head occupied for days. At the same time, I actually did nothing to "get" those things that I though I should have. Somehow I just thought they should all just happen! There seemed to be a big difference between how I thought life happened when I was drinking, and how it really happen when I was drinking! I never thought it was my drinking that held me back or was the cause of my troubles. I just blamed others for not being where I should be in life or where I though I should be in life. I always thought it was my bad upbringing, or lack of money, or bad luck, or of course just being me.


After I got sober there was this period when I was trying to catch up to everyone else. Having had lost at least 15 years to alcoholic drinking I felt way behind. So I went back to school, got the good job, got married, bought a house, and had kids. Ahhh, finally I have arrived I thought! Strangely enough that remained me of the time when I was partying at the Plaza hotel in New York city and I totally felt like I have arrived - sort off the topic, but it was just an interesting observation about how life changes and things that used to be important change too! 

There is always going to be someone out there that has everything that I do not! I have realized that for me envy is caused by a dissatisfaction with my own perception of me; I, for some reason, feel inferior to the person I envy. Why do I feel inferior at all? I believe this is related to shame. Shame of being an alcoholic. And years of believing that I am nothing. But today I am a sober alcoholic, I live an honest life, and I have a good life. I have all that I need.

I am enough, I have enough, I do enough.

The longer I am sober the more comfortable I am with me and my life. I have no reason to envy others, not that I ever had a reason, really! And I realize today that I have been given a second chance at life, and that alone is worth more than any "perfection" out there. My life only has to be perfect to me :)

Sobriety ROCKS!