Time For a Change to a Healthier Sobriety

I see so many of my sober friends leading such healthy lives! They do yoga, and eat vegan, and grow organic foods, do cleanses on regular basis, and are totally into green everything! I am amazed. How do they do that?

My husband and I are both sober but we still smoke, drink tons of coffee and eat probably way too much sugar. There is no exercise or yoga on regular basis for us, and we love red meat and lots of butter over our veggies.

Is it time for a change?

When I was first getting sober, trying to quit anything else at the same time was not even a thought. As a matter of fact at the rehab they told us not to quit anything else within the first year. They told us that the different stages of withdrawal from alcohol may be harder when combined with the withdrawal from certain foods, and also some foods like sugar may help with withdrawal. So I used caffeine and nicotine as my crutch... and candy... of course those aren't foods either! LOL! But, it still feels like sometimes I need a crutch. I still think that getting sober was so very, very difficult, especially following the four years of miserable relapsing - I just feel like I can't give up anything else! I don't want to give up anything else!

And rewards! Where are my rewards! I also often feel like I don't have any rewards left at all, you know for job well done, or the end of the week, or birthdays and holidays! I used to drink as a reward! No wait, who am I kidding - I drank because that's what I did; I did not need a reason!

But, I read so many blogs and see so many of my friends going all healthy! I am truly amazed and I admire them that they are be able to turn their lives around so drastically! But me? Eh. I mean I have dieted after my babies and I did quit smoking when I was pregnant, but I love my occasional smoke breaks! And a nice piece of steak with garlic butter? Hmmm good! What is really weird is that I also feel like I deserve it. I often and still feel like I have quit my bestest friend in the entire world (not really a best friend, really more like my worst enemy) and now I can't ever drink again, so instead, I can have anything else, no matter how bad it is for me (well excluding mind altering substances!) and I still think if I don't have a crutch then what will I do? Will I drink again! Oh and I so don't want to drink again! But I have been sober for a while... I shouldn't need a crutch anymore, right? Ugh.

So well, I was thinking, I suppose it's all in moderation, like they say! Ha, so they say, but moderation is not really in my vocabulary! LOL! (Definitely not when it comes to drinking,) But maybe it's time to get a bit healthier! Maybe nothing horribly drastic, I don't see myself going vegan any time soon! LOL! But a little less caffeine? A little less sugar? And maybe little more exercise and salads!

In the end, this is just like getting sober; I think that I am giving up things, instead of looking at all the things that I will be gaining!

How Comparing-Out Kept Me From Getting Sober

For years before I finally stopped drinking, I was in a huge amount of denial about my alcoholism. I sort of felt that something was not quite right and maybe I drank a bit too much, but really I wasn't that bad! I started attending some AA 12-step meetings to see if I could convince myself that I definitely was not an alcoholic - funny right!? So, I was constantly comparing-out when I heard others sharing their stories. Even though I had a pretty low bottom, that included few stays in detox, rehab and jail, I always found someone else that was way worse off than me. 

"Well, I didn't do that! My life was not in complete shambles like theirs, and I didn't drink as much as they did!"

But strangely enough, or maybe, quite expectantly, my drinking was getting out of control and life was becoming unmanageable! Yes, I still could not identify that the alcohol was the cause of all my problems, HECK NO! It was always the shifty job, the crazy boyfriend, or just plain bad luck!

Through this entire time, for some reason, I kept going to meetings. I think I felt safe there. People were so kind and caring, they seemed to know what I was thinking and how I was feeling. How did they know? - I wondered, they barely know me!

Then, one day after a meeting, I talked to a really nice young lady, I told her how I just don't fit in here, and I can't relate to the stories, and I don't think that my life was that bad either! She said that I needed to listen to how people felt, and interrelated to their feelings as related to alcohol. We all maybe from different backgrounds, different ages, different life styles and we may have had different levels of drinking bottoms, but we all have felt alone, out of control, lost, and sad. These feeling we all have in common!

And there it was, it finally dawned on me that it wasn't so much about the things that happened to me because of my drinking, but it was the same, exact feelings that drinking brought up in me. I felt alone, worthless and empty. I had nothing to live for and I was stuck in the viscous cycle of alcoholism. When I started to identify with how others were feeling, I realized that I often felt the exact same way! Then it all started to make sense, and I was able to see how my drinking had made my life unmanageable.

Those same feelings I heard described then, and still do now, have become our common bond, even though we don't know each other and we live miles and miles away from each other. And here in the blog world we all struggle with the same issues and feelings, and yes, we are all so very different! But sharing our stories helps us to know that we are not alone in our journeys. We can always find others who are going through the same feelings, and we can learn from each other how to get through the thought times.  

AA Step Eleven - Sought to Improve

AA Step 11 - Sought to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. -Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven 

Step 11, AA 12 and 12, pg 96

 When I started my recovery journey, I couldn't stay sober for more than a few months at a time. I was struggling something awful! I was irritable, discontent and just unhappy! I kept thinking that I was missing something and well, I was. Being part of the Alcoholics Anonymous I was often reminded that I needed a Higher Power, a God of my understanding, a belief in something greater than myself, a spiritual path to follow, and faith of some kind. This was quite a tall order for me, oh so scientific mind, and I was not having any part of it - I wouldn't even repeat the Lord's prayer at the end of 12-step meetings. Prayer seemed silly to me; there was no one listening, and who were all these people praying to anyway!?

But after my last relapse I was at my wits end and I was ready to try anything to release me from the viscous alcoholic life. I knew I was missing some kind of spirituality but I just didn't even know where to start looking for it. I read some books, but nothing really spoke to me. I talked to people and got even more confused! I decided that if I couldn't just believe, I would force myself to accept it. I decided to let go of all my old beliefs and bought a little necklaces with a cross pendant. It felt really uncomfortable wearing it at first because it symbolized all that I didn't believe in, but then again, what could it hurt I assumed, it's just a necklaces, sort of like a rabbits foot, a favorite shirt, a lucky hat, or that magic rock! 

I wore my necklace every single day and started to really believe that it had some magical powers. This simple act of wearing the necklaces become something way bigger than I would have ever imagined. It became my protector, it became my guide, and it became my hope! I even noticed that my urge to drink was lifted. Life started to bloom around me. My heart got softer and kinder. I was smiling more often! I even begun to feel happy!

I also started praying. First it was just a simple "Please help me stay sober." and "Thank you for keeping me sober." Then during the night when I could not asleep, I repeated the serenity prayer until I fell asleep; “God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” I would also list all the things that I could not change and all the things that I could change. And I always asked for the wisdom to know the difference. This prayer alone has put my mind at ease many times! Then, I found myself praying in times of hardship and asking for patience, acceptance and forgiveness. When I was faced with difficult people I asked to be compassionate and caring. When had financial troubles I asked to have my worries taken away. I often used lines out of the Lord’s Prayer when dealing with my own wrongs and forgiveness, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us" - as well as when I was having cravings for a drink - "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” It seamed that all of the sudden, there was  some prayer that I could repeat that would help me during the difficult times!

I still can't quite explain how all this works. I have actually been able to feel the guiding power in my life and in times of need it was always there to protect me and steer me in the right direction. So, I have continued this practice for a while now, and I have been able to get thru some really challenging times in my life, by simply believing in a Higher Power and praying. Of course, to my biggest surprise, whatever guidance or help I asked for I have received, which is really quite unbelievable but I am so very grateful for all this amazing love that seemed to have come from no where! Who knew?!

I have to mention here, that I always though that one had to follow a religion in order to be spiritual, I never though that you could be spiritual without actual religion. There was a long period in my journey that I was constantly searching for this great religion, but what I didn't see was that spiritually is in each one of use, all we have to do is tap into it!

Today, I truly believe that there is a Higher Power that cares for all of us. I still do not believe in socialized religion but that's ok. I have admired many Christian prayers and I have been able to rely on many Buddhist teachings. And for my guardian necklace, well, it took me a while to replace it with one a bit more fitting, but I think "believe" is just perfect. I still wear it every single day!

Click HERE to read the AA Step Eleven.