April 25, 2011

Prescription for Crazy

I had a crazy experience with pain meds last week that just again proves that I have an addiction to anything that might make me feel different than normal. I have not ever considered myself a drug addict, drugs are not part of my story, I am a straight alcoholic. LOL!

But there I was in the ER, on morphine and fantasizing about a great high... that never come. I was quite surprised at how my brain took me to the fantasy land! LOL! I wanted the drunk high... so bad. But between the Valium, Percocet and Morphine nothing was doing the "trick" and my mind kept thinking I just need more, more, I need more! It was so strong that I forgot about the pain and why I was in the hospital to begin with.

All I could think about is when was the high gonna hit me. It never did, thank God. I did get worried after a while, and I told the nurse I was in recovery, though she didn't seem to care at all. Later I ended up tearing up the prescription since I wasn't in a horrible pain anymore, and I just couldn't trust myself! I know that pain meds should be taken when needed, but I really felt like they over-prescribed, and if Motrin was going to take the pain away why did I need Valium and Percocet? Nope, I'd rather be sober! REALLY? Did I say that? I remember when I did not want to be sober for even a minute! WOW! That's right, I'd rather be sober!

This whole experience has been a real awaking, I am an addict, no matter what it is. And btw, I am doing ok but dag what a scare and a real eye opener about the pain killers. Drug is a drug is a drug....at least for me...

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