April 4, 2011

My New Sober Family

Good weekend is great! Good sober weekend even better! When I have a really great time with my family, I either have a hard time believing that this is actually possible or I can't believe that I was missing out on all this!

I spent years drinking, and hating my family and everything about them. I lived blaming them for screwing me up, and everything in my life, from the very beginning of my existence. I drank at them many times because they did this to me. I lived in total victim mentally and I created a prison in my own head; a viscous and lonely prison. But miracles do happen... and one day, I was given a recovery CD, told to really pay attention to the beginning. 

The AA speaker with 26 years, started by saying, and I am paraphrasing, "What if, starting today, you forgive every single person that has ever, ever done you wrong? What if, today you accept that your parents did the best they could? What if, starting today you admit that your old ideas availed you nothing?" These were amazing words, I actually felt strange, calming feeling of freedom filling me up. I felt the hate slowly dissipate and new view of my whole life emerging. I found this so amazing I kept listening to the CD over and over, and slowly I was able to forgive, admit that I was wrong and let go…

Today I know that my parents did the best they could, at the time, and I am so grateful to have them back in my life. This is the true miracle of sobriety. These are our promises!

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