March 31, 2011

Sober Bits & Pieces

"Lololol! Really!! When I look back it all seems silly, life is good right now! Living in the memories of the past has absolutely no purpose but to sit on my pity pot! Yes, I fucked up, big time, and I might fuck up big time again! But I and you are not the same people anymore, and we never have to be those people again!!!"

"And the old fox learns much more from the young fool, than the young fool can ever hope to learn from the old fox"!

"I am so helpless, there is just absolutely nothing I can do! Acceptance, that's all I got, pg 449, "acceptance is the key...accept things are exactly the way they are suppose to be..." Ugh so hard, I almost feel like I want to jump out of my skin and fix this whole thing! Right now!"

"Where are your feet at?? ok stay there!"

"I just can't leave it alone, I want my control! It feels good! I feel smart and in charge and like I am capable of anything. And when it goes according to my plan it is very satisfying! BUT, I am trying to let him take care of this, really, I don't think that I don't trust him to do the job right, I know he can, I think it's more like I want the satisfaction- I want the glory!!! Yes that's it, I want the glory!!! I want that feeling of accomplishment! Lolol! So self-centered still, huh? Well, I'll just keep coming back!"

"And everything else, hell, you sounds like me! Trust in God, that's all I got for that! In the past few months, we've had to deal with many issues and somehow they all worked out... weird but true!"

"Really, truly, a miracle. It's out there all the time and (this is funny) I thought it's like not brushing your teeth, they may look ok but someday they will start rottening. So we got to take care of ourselves and do all the things that we know will help us stay sober. And I need to definitely take better care of myself, cause I was taking sudafedrine + advil cold pills when I was sick and I tell ya, I though many times of just crushing up a pill and snorting it - and - I've never snorted anything! UGH. So, I have to relax more, let go of things more, slow down more and enjoy the moments more!"

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