March 27, 2011

Celebrating 3 Years Sober

I will be celebrating 3 years in 3 weeks! 

Three years of living sober and free from the crazy life I used to live. AA has changed my life in so many ways it would take pages and pages to list them all.

Alcoholism is a daily part of my life even though I do not drink anymore. Many days, are quite normal, I blend into the vast majority of people around me who have no clue that I am an alcoholic. Because after all aren't they the people under the bridge drinking out of a paper bag wrapped bottle? Well, yes there are some of those too, but many of us are just normal folk. We hold jobs and have families.

Anyone can speculate or analyze alcoholism or any addiction really, and make all kinds of judgments, but until you are an alcoholic or addict, you just have no clue. I don't know why I could never drink "normal," believe me I tried for many years, with many methods, but nothing worked. (BTW if your are practicing this you maybe one of us.) I literally had no idea what would happen when I started drinking. Sometimes I would be fine, seemed like just a social drinker, but most of the time I was just falling down drunk! It got so bad that I just would stay home and hide; me and my bottle, or 10! And I had many consequences due to drinking,  DUIs, jails, detoxes and rehabs become a norm, not to mention that I lost custody of my child for over a year. Yes, I definitely qualify. LOL!

Today I am trying to fully integrate myself in the world around me. Because I feel that alcoholism and addiction is still looked down on as a morality issue, it is very hard for me to "out" myself as an alcoholic to people outside the AA circle. Drinking is such a social pass time, it's hard to live without it, it's hard not be involved in anything and anywhere without the presence of alcohol. I tell most people "Thank you, but I do not drink," to which of course I get many questions of disbelief, and persuasions that this is the "special occasion!" Trust me; no occasion was ever needed for me to get drunk! LOL! I used to be that un-cool girl that was talked about because I drank way too much, now I am the un-cool girl that's talked about because I doesn’t drink! Hmmmm….

So, I choose to stay sober, I choose to have a life; and I have an addiction that governs my entire life on daily basis! It takes a lot of hard work, determination and belief to stay sober. And WE don't do this alone; countless numbers of people have gotten sober with the help of AA, and all the amazing men and women who you meet in the rooms. I struggled for years to get sober; it took me countless relapses, but I kept coming back.

My life today is truly amazing!

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