March 28, 2011

There Is No Self-Control in Drinking!

My coworker often refers to this, self-control idea; he claims that you can self-control anything in your life. Of course he is not one of us and I always ignore him about this, because self-control is an idea that does not work when it comes to alcoholism or addiction. I suppose if it did, then it would not be called addiction after all, right?! LOL!
I wish I could have self-controlled my alcoholism, and I really tried in so many ways; I told myself I will just have one, many, many times! I also switched the type of alcohol I drank, I used more mixers in my drinks, I ate more food, I drank slower, I drank every other day, and on and on, you name it, I tried it. But even if it worked once or twice and I did not get belligerent, eventually it just did not work at all. My ex would say that he did not want me to stop, just to curb it a little! But I just couldn’t. The minute I put alcohol in my body all bets were off! No clue what would happen, no clue when it would start and when it would stop if at all! The night I got my DUI, I remember walking out of the bar and saying goodbye to my friends. I later asked them why they did not stop me, didn’t I seem drunk? They said no, I walked OK and sounded OK. But not even an hour later the cops found me on the side of the road, with my car running. An hour later when they got me to the station and awake, I blew .25! Yes, three times the legal limit and almost at a coma stage (which you hit approximately around .30)!
Yes, it’s sort of like getting struck drunk, it is quite possible, believe me. I have on several occasion walked into a store with all intentions to just get something to eat and found myself walking out with a box of wine!

This is what they call this a disease, the absolute in-ability to “self-control” the addiction, in any way, shape or form. The only way to control it, is not to use at all. And even then, you do not have control really, you’re thoughts are always floating around, trying to entice you towards your drug, in some manner. I have to work on this every day and I am assuming, probably for the rest of my life!

But that's ok, I am way better off sober than I was ever drunk. Sobriety ROCKS!

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