December 20, 2013

Holiday Season Sober

Oh, what can be said about the wonderful holiday season!? It's stressful. It's demanding, it's exhausting. It sure can be a challenge in sobriety! But it is nothing comparing to the way I used to spend my holiday season... stressed out and drunk. Ugh.

This year especially, I seem to have many memory bubbles of the Christmas past. It's not a bad thing necessarily, they just remind me of how far I have come in my journey. Wow, was that really me? It's hard to believe it all when I look back and I totally see the craziness of my addiction; my actions that used to make sense to me, now seem so crazy! I was so completely a consumed by the drink, and nothing else seemed to have mattered.

I have that great memory of spending Christmas day at the local bar, after telling my family that I was severely sick and just couldn't make it out of bed. I remember the bar wasn't very full, there were also some other stragglers, or people also trying to ignore their family.

There was the one Christmas that I got drunk and was in a blackout for most of the day. I don't remember much, just waking up really early the next morning, riddled with shame, and running out the door before anyone got up. No one ever talked about that incident.

And there was that one Christmas that I took a bus to my parents’ house, because I gave away my license for a year when I chose to drive drunk. This might have been a perfect time to stay home and get drunk, but determined to keep up appearances as if everything was just ok, and this was just a minor incident, I found a way to get to their house, some 45 miles away. That’s right! And then I got drunk.

Oh... and there are more, but I don't want to waste any more of the space here with those memories. 

Today I have new memories. Sobriety gave me new life and and a new perspective. It gave me holidays spent with family, laughing and hugging. It has made me focuse on the important things in life, like my kids and my husband. Even giving presents has become a new richual; no onager focused on the appearances, I am free to chose gifts that really matter. And as I sit here, in front of our Christmas tree I am even more grateful for the gifts of sobriety. Who knew all this was possible? Certainly not me. 

So if your struggling a bit this season, I hope that you give sobriety a good chance. It can at times be a difficult journey, especially during the holidays, but let me tell you, hold on and keep sober! Your life will change in amazing ways, and you will not be able to recognize the wonderful person that you have become! You will find happiness in simple things, and you will no longer have to carry shame and guilt of the past. You will find the confidence and humility in living an honest life. You will have new relationships that you will cherish forever. You will laugh more and actually feel happy! You will finally become the person that you were always ment to be! 

Yes, all this is possible sober! 


  1. I like what you said about new relationships -- I'm looking forward to getting to know the new ME. I bet she's going to be awesome.

    1. I bet she is awesome! Let me tell you, it's hard to believe the changes, i have to pinch myself sometimes! When I was drinking I didn't even know what color was my favorite. And the best part is that you actually start liking yourself too. Very, very cool! Thanks for stopping by , hugs.

  2. Oh this actually got me a bit misty eyed. I love your positive talk at the end.. especially powerful coming after all those drunken memories. How utterly fantastic that you have gotten yourself sober.. that we all have. Honestly, alcohol is such a time wasting, body poisoning crock of shit I cannot believe how much of it humans pour down their throats.. but then I used to do it so much myself I suppose I know why… it's complex.. but then it can be simple too. Take it away.. and slowly but surely beautiful things will come. Great post. Merry Christmas xxx

    1. Merry Christmas Mrs. D! Thank you! It is complex and yet simple isn't it? If we could just right away see it... But it does take some time and stumbling and growing and rebuilding. It is truly amazing that we got sober, life now has so many possibilities!


Keep moving forward!