There are so many things running through my head today. My husband and I are on a 3 hour drive to visit a friend whose husband died unexpectedly last Tuesday.
We knew them both from the rooms of AA. They got sober together and I met them through my husband when we were dating. They came in the same year I did and they have been a part of our sober family since. They got married in sobriety and had a baby girl who is now 3. Unfortunately they seperated last year and things seemed to be falling apart, but they were working it out. Now he is gone. The end. Hard to believe. Sooo hard to believe. I wish I could do something to help our friend through this difficult time. I went to the store and got flowers, and a teddy bear for the little one and a pie, and I had this overwhelming feeling... Helplessness.
Yesterday was my step mom's two year anniversary since she has passed. It was extra difficult to hold the tears back. My daughter and I went to the grave site and put a little Xmas tree up. When we were done, I just stood there, I couldn't get myself to leave. She was my step mom for 32 years. She was my mom. I miss my mommy.
So today I am trying to keep the attitude of gratitude. It's hard. I am sad. I am angry. I am anxious. I am sober.
I am sober!!!
And if I wasn't sober I would not be on this trip right now, I wouldn't have a great sober family, I wouldn't be able to be of service to my friend. Instead I would be getting drunk and feeling sorry for myself, unable to be there for anyone. I wouldn't be able to be present and take life as it is. Then I would be filled with shame and guilt for not doing anything.
Today I know that life is not always peaches and cream, there are rough patches, there are stumbling blocks, there is death. There is also life. Precious life. Sober life! Life that needs to be cherished and enjoyed!