Missing the Happy Hour

Ah, the happy hour, how I do miss thee.  Actually, maybe I don't.  As my coworkers once again were gathering to go to happy hour, my mind went down memory lane.

Happy hour in my later drinking used to be a daily event for me. I do actually  remember when it changed from 3 days a week to 5 days a week. I remember wondering if that was normal, I remember questioning if others did that too. And I remember wondering if you're just suppose to go to happy hour after a bad day, cause it didn't matter to me, good, bad, indifferent. I just went to drink!

But today, for me to go to a bar is like being on a diet and sitting in a cupcake shop! I just get all irritated and resentful that they can and I can't. Well I always can, and I have gone in the past and I ended up beating myself up that I went  and I was feeling miserable afterwards.  What's the point? And it's not safe either cause one of those times I might just decide to have one! And one is never enough. I don't drink like other people. Once it's in my body I am off to the races. And I just want more and more.

So it's ok that I don't go, because for today I choose not to drink!

It's All in the Perspective

Feeling sorry for myself yesterday...ugh trying to snap out of it.

So I pick a the newspaper for the ride on the metro this morning. I usually don't but this morning I am having a hard time not dwelling on everything that's going on and last night I really felt like drinking.

So I open the paper, hoping for something lite to read, and there it is on second page a Somalian woman with her hands on her face and the look of pain and disappear ...she just lost four of her 5 kids from starvation and all in the last 24hs. Is this crazy! OMG! I can't even fit that in my head.
I live in such a little world sometimes, it feels like I am all alone in this world and things only happen to me. This is why I drank, if you had my horrible life, you would drink like me too! But as soon as I look outside I can see that stuff happens to others too. It gives me some comfort to know this, cause being a self centered ego driven drunk, I truly sometimes think that this all is only happening to me. Truth is that so many people go through hard ache way worst than what I am dealing with, I am not alone and I don't have to drink over it...