Showing posts with label re-writing the script. Show all posts
Showing posts with label re-writing the script. Show all posts

May 7, 2013

New Memories in Old Places

Somewhere around 3 years sober the memories of my drinking past started visiting me quite often. It almost seemed that everywhere I turned there was a memory, like the one of that store I used to buy my wine at where the clerk new me by name, or that restaurant I got trashed at, or the piano bar I tried to play piano at  - LOL! - yes that did happen! And there were those other ones too, not so funny, like the time I pulled into someones driveway because I was too drunk to drive anymore, and I was woken up by a man pointing a riffle in my face - yep that did happen too.


Old Town, Alexandria 
from Google Images
So when I recently got this lovely email from my sober pal, about wanting to get together and take the kids somewhere new, I was really excited, yes time to make new memories!

She wrote:
"We went to a wedding in old town last weekend and walked around after the wedding. It's so nice there, there are many little shops, and art galleries, and the whole waterfront is just gorgeous! There was so much going on! Lots of street performers (magicians and musicians), a big candy store, and a beautiful park on the water. Are you up for going there? We could take a picnic and kites. Let me know!"

Interesting enough I knew this "new" place all too well, and the description of how I remember it was quite different! 

My reply:

Old Town, Alexandria 
from Google Images
"Oh gosh, Old Town Alexandria, I used to party there plenty! It was so crazy how my brain just went thru the memory lane as I was reading your description. My favorite bar was there, I watched the last episode of Seinfeld there! Oh, so many memories, OMG, I was thinking, yep I had that nice date in the park, which was my attempt of having a nice, "not so drunk" picnic... yep and that one time when I went to that sports bar and I got cut off on my 5th Long Island Iced Tea... and the other time when we went bar hopping for my friend's bachelorette party...  and once my friend scraped her brand new Mustang convertible as she was pulling out of the spot in the parking garage, after our evening of drinking... and I drank right on that waterfront pier too, poured the wine in my soda cup... Oh and I met bunch of Harley dudes at the Starbucks once, too! Good times, well... some, and some not so good! Some just drunken stupper. UGH. I think it's time to make some new memories there!"

I've been thinking about this all day. I have made so many memories thru my drinking. There is no place in my area that is memory free! How can I make new ones! But I have in fact made new memories in old place already. I used to drink quite often at the Town Center close to where I live, but now we go there to enjoy the Concert on the Lawn summer series with the kids. Ha! So, I am really excited, I am looking forward to replacing those Old Town memories too!


March 8, 2013

Re-writing the Script


I am trying to let go of some of my old crappy thinking, you know that stuff that nags at you and keeps you awake at night. The stuff you have been believing or telling yourself for years, and now you know that it's just not true! Yeah, that damn crap! The script I always write is that I suck and that no one lovesa me and that life sucks.
More and more I see how this crap has no purpose in my life! I think I just used it as my security blanket, it felt safe, it was mine, it was just what I did. It gave me a reason to drink. But now I am really aware of it, I can see how distorted my thinking can get in a very short period of time and over very silly stuff. So, I know that it has to go, it’s time to re-write it. Yet, at the same time, it is so, so hard to let it go. I feel like, "What will become of me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut!" - AA 12 and 12, pg 36. And then, right before I am ready to finally let it go, I hold on to it just a bit more, just for a little longer, just for the last time!

This is what happens....

I get on my pity-potty!! Last night I made myself a pitty party, because my dad left for Europe to visit some friends and he will not be home for Easter, and my mom has passed, and my one brother is away at school and the other is moving to CA. No family for Easter. Ugh. I suddenly felt alone and unloved…. and... I have no family...  I never had a family... How come I don’t have a family… I suck, my life sucks. And blah, blah, blah.  I even texted my friend and said that I was orphaned! Good grief! I am sooo dramatic! LOL!

BUT.... the truth is that I do have a family! I have a great family! I have a Hubby, three kids and a dog. And great in-laws! No really, they are amazing! And I have two bestest friends in the world and an amazing sponsor who has been sober for 30 years! (Say waht!? Yeah!) And not to mention my AA fellowship which spreads the entire county! Now that is some big family!

That is my new truth: I have a great, big, loving family!