July 8, 2011

Honesty and Sobriety

A recent email from a friend got me to thinking about honesty. I read this book once, the author claimed that we all lie in some form or another, that the truth is all in the perception, that you can have 2 people go through the same exact incident and tell 2 different stories and then tell them differently to other people. I didn't like reading this since that would mean I was a liar too. I think this may not really be lying...

I think lying is mostly based on a fear. I've told people for years that my bio mom died when I was little, no one really asks how, but I had a story for that too. Why? Cause it's easier than telling them that she was an alcoholic and lost custody of me and I haven't seen her since I was 4. Cause it brings less judgment, cause I was afraid of what people would think. I am not sure this really is lying either...

Honesty is a crucial part of sober life. I have to be honest with myself about my cunning and baffling alcohol addiction! This is why on the AA chips it says "To thine own self be true." Being honest about my alcoholism is easy around other AAers but is still very difficult around others.

I haven't been able to share much about my past - and my blog is anonymous because I still fear the judgment. It seems that I live 2 lives, I have this huge AA fellowship and a sober life and I have the other life, where I try to blend in with everyone else.

I'd like to think that the world is changing, that now people of all color, gender and sexual orientation are treated as equal. But do us alcoholics and drug addicts get equal treatment? Why do I hold so much shame with my alcoholism? Why am I not able to tell the world that I am an alcoholic? I think most people still think that addiction is a morality issue, that only losers are addicts, and that we have a choice in the addiction. But I didn't have a choice, trust me, if I did I would have never chosen this!

1 comment:

  1. I read your blog.I thought it was great.. Hope you have a great day. God bless.

    Camille
    www.imarksweb.org

    ReplyDelete

Keep moving forward!