June 29, 2011

Sober Vacation

Our long awaited vacation! Wow! Really glad we got to go, though I am dragging my guilt with me, I feel like I should be home tending to my sick mom. But my dad said she was doing well and so we went...

Drove half on Friday and stayed in motel to get some sleep, come to find out our 2 year old would not sleep...so we got no sleep. But we got up next day and kept driving.

Vaca has been good so far, lots of fun, lots of stuff to do, lots of junk to eat; lots of work with the kids, all good. But I have noticed that people are drinking all over the place. Can't help but notice when a mom sitting next to me with a 2 year old, is cracking a beer after beer. And those frozen drinks from the pool bar...with the enticing umbrellas and pretty glasses - Oh yeah, I could down a few of those too! But I can't drink safely, such is my life, I know if I started I would have 100 of them, not like the said mom who had 3, in about 4 hour time - in the end I thought what's the point, didn't like the taste of beer anyway.

But the craving is there in the back, hanging out, doing push-ups, waiting for me to say ok. I think this is how I know that I am an alcoholic, normal people don't watch others drink, don't count how many they had and certainly don't fantasize about drinking. I don't know but it's a crazy obsession that can't be willed away. The only way I stay sober is to talk about it. I already emailed my sponsor several times and my AA BFF. Knowing that they have felt the same at some point and stayed sober, helps me stay sober. One day at a time.

So sober I am! And having fun!

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