So last Friday after aunt Dawn died, my mom got a diagnosis of 2-4 weeks of life. Now we've gotten these before about mom but they were more like 6-9 months, and last one we know off was 1year, that was 4 years ago. After that diagnosis my mom requested that they don't tell her these time frames any more... But facing 2-4 weeks is the shortest ever.
It's hard to write, it's hard to think, it's hard to function really... I keep thinking I need a little pill, maybe some valium or xanex would do the trick! Just to take the edge off...but I also know that I'll get thru this...and sober. I've had a great support network checking up on me and my sponsor has been amazing. She has gone through this with both of her parents and sober.
I am hanging on to my sobriety like a security blanket; I know that if I drink it will only make things worse. I sure don't like these feelings at all and they change every day too, some days they are more intense, some less. Sometimes I can't really identify them either, not sure if I am sad or mad or angry, maybe all of the above. And guilt has crept up, every time I am having a bit of fun I feel guilty. This must be an old idea - "old ideas availed us nothing..." So I have to re-write the script there too.
Evolution is inevitable, change is optional.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Nothing stays the same.