March 21, 2012

The Social Alcohol

I often feel the separation from the people that were once a part of my life and now they are not. The separation is drinking.  This includes some people the I now realize were not really my friends anyway, so I am not too bothered, but the family...

My family for instance is pretty hard to deal with. I never really felt close to them or had many things in common with them. But, I had the drinking/smoking  bond and I miss that a lot. It felt good to sit on the porch, sipping on some wine and chatting up about oh this great world. Why, those were the days! :)

Now that I don't drink or smoke and have kids and a family it seems even more that we are separated. I thought at first this was all in my head, but they seem to keep doing things together and I am not included. These things usually involved travel and drinking.  It really bothered me one day so I shared about it in a meeting and found out that many sober people feel the way I do. Drinking is so social. It is everywhere and if you don't drink you are kinda out. And if people know why then you are even more out sometimes. It becomes this like, oh no, we can't drink around her cause she might start drinking again, thing. And, well, maybe that is ok too. I really do not need to be around drinking anyway and no I don't want to start drinking again.

I do miss the social aspect of drinking at times. Yes it felt like more fun and a "deeper" connection. But I believe it was all an illusion. I mean if alcohol was the only glue than it was definitely an illusion. This is also why I need to stay connected to AA and be involved, so I can experience "deeper" connections sober, with real people who think and feel just like me. 

These connections are much more valuable to me today. And they last forever. 

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