October 1, 2013

Sudden Change and Growth

What can I say about change! I want to be open to it when it happens; I want be able to see the opportunity and I don’t want to see the heartache that it may cause me.

I was thinking today about changes and how I react to them. Sometimes I am able to just say oh well, I will get used to it, and sometimes I am just in the NO and get stuck there! For instance the new iOS 7 for iPad come down, I excitingly downloaded it because well, I love new and improved things! BUT it turns out that it is quite a change and half of my apps are not working as they should anymore. What do I do? Well I get to the desktop computer where things are still as they were and get done what I need.
Now for my second example I would like to tell you what happened to me at work today. I was offered a new position (!), sort of a lateral move, no pay increase was mentioned, but my boss tried to pep me up with how great I would be in this new position. And as I was staring straight at her and trying to ingest this, this stuff I was hearing, my insides were screaming out! NOOOO! Why no? Because it was managing the software support department! I hate support – customer support, software support, any support!! Why? Because people who need support tend to be not so nice, ok they tend to big f....n a—holes! I get it, they are frustrated and things may not be working as they should but damn it! Haven’t any one heard of catching more bees with honey! OH MAN. I don’t want to do this! I just don't have the mental capacity for this job - I have done it before! I don't want to do it ever again!

This all came strangely enough right after I published a post on my new blog called “You Can ChangeYour Path” and of course now as I am sitting here, and thinking, this is much easier said than done sometimes. As it also happens that I read a great blog post over at Sober Identity ~ Reprogramming an Addictive Mind called A Confused Mind Says No - AND I think that I have a confused mind right now!
Nonetheless, I have learned in sobriety, that I don’t have to make decisions right away, I can take some time, I can sleep on it and hopefully when I wake up, I might not be screaming NO, I might just be whispering – I don’t wanna… But in this instance I had no time, the current manager of the support department, was leaving, and today, sort of unexpected! So here I am, my guts are screaming and I am about to burst and I want to run – or just burst! But instead… I actually spoke up! As best as I could, I explained why I did not want this position. I was asked if I could at least do it temporarily. I offered to help out for 2 weeks and report back with my final decision. My boss said OK.
WOW. I feel so grown up! LOL! Like a real adult, like I chose a path, like I made a decision for me, like I didn’t let someone run over me, like didn’t just say yes in fear of saying no! Like I didn’t just “people please!”
…but I still don’t want this change.
What will happen? I don’t know. I am going to sleep on it… and keep sober J


  1. my first sponsor always said "I have a reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition."


Keep moving forward!