October 20, 2013

Asking for Help Sober

In early sobriety it was absolutely excruciating to ask for help. I mean, me ask for help? Never! But I had to learn to do it, it was either that or keep drinking, and the drinking gig was up for sure. And I needed help to get sober, I just couldn't do it by myself! So I learned, I started asking for help and found that there was plenty of people willing to help me! It was amazing. I didn't feel alone and I was able to learn how to deal with some tricky situations and go through some tough times and sober!

Now, five years into sobriety I find asking for help absolutely excruciating again! I mean after five years I should be able to deal with about everything, right!? Ohh.... My ego is talking... It has had me suffering in silence just so that my disease can start creeping up on me. I've had the fuck its again and the constant bowling ball in my belly and the unbelievable urge to run! Run away from it all! And well... Get drunk. This. Scares. Me.

So I finally asked for help! I shared at a meeting about my struggles with a work situation that I have been trying to deal with for a few weeks now. It has set me in total fear mode and made my head fill with crap... The old crap - I don't know how to do this therefore I am not good at this and I will most likely fail. And then I will be a failure! The truth is that I have too much on my plate and I am trying to do several jobs for the now empty positions and I am overwhelmed and exhausted. This is beyond my means and I know it. No matter how hard I will try, I cannot do all of this.

But by sharing my struggles I found that several people at the meeting have experienced this at some point in their lives and have gotten thru it! Ahh... That alone is a great relief! I am not alone and I am not unique. They gave me some really awesome advice on how to slow myself down, break the tasks into smaller pieces and just do what's in front of me. I was also reminded the the world will not blow up if I make a mistake, if I don't get it all done and if I am not the best in all the tasks! Wheeew! That was good to hear because for some reason I really get in my head and I just get so petrified that the world will just blow up! LOL! 

And most off all I was reminded to stay connected to the fellowship especially if I get too overwhelmed and get the fuck its and wanna get drunk. This is really the most important. Staying sober is the most important, way more important than any job and even the world blowing up! If I drink everything is out! If I stay sober, I will get thru this and gain some new insight and strength that I am sure will be needed another time in my life. 

I am so grateful for my friends in AA and the fellowship! Nowhere else I am able to get this amazing support and real life tools to help me get thru the thought times! 


  1. Sorry to hear things have been crazy for you and it's affecting your serenity, but you did the right thing in sharing it. I too had a VERY hard time asking for help in my life. Getting sober was the first time me ego was deflated long enough to have me ask for help. And I continue to learn and re-enforce that lesson when I ask for help now. At work. At home. In other parts of my life. I have to lay ego down and do what is needed. And it's not always easy. I understand!

    You have some wonderful insights here, and as I read them, I realized that I am reading these right here and right now for a reason. Thank you for this, because the idea that I can make a mistake and not have the world crash and burn is a good one :)

    Love and light,

    1. Thanks Paul! why is it so hard... damn ego! LOL! And my controlling side too.. ugh. But I am feeling better, I have to accept it and keep going. I found a texting buddy, we send each other little peps during the day, she is having a hard time too. I tell ya, it's good to know we are not alone! you are not alone either, you know? Sending many hugs, hope you're doing well. Keep the faith :)

  2. i always love coming here and reading your posts! Even when you talk about needing help, your words are uplifting and inspiring. Thanks for the reminder that we are, all of us, human and not alone!

    1. Thanks Al! I am still trying to get through it but I really have had some great support. And I am feeling better and have gotten some great insight, I keep learning and that's very cool too! Thanks for stopping by :)


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