Another St. Patty's Day Sober!

So, of course I have to reminisce about the good old days!

I remember once, I went with few friends to an Irish pub in old town, it was 8 am - yes in the morning - and the bar was opening at 9 am for St. Patrick's day. There was a long line outside holding the promise of this being the place to be! When we finally got in, the bar was packed and loud and I thought it was awesome! It was hard to get to the bar and even harder to get drinks. So after the first round of Guinness, of course, and some shots of Jameson, we were ordering doubles of everything, you know just in case it took to long to get another drink!

And... that's about all I remember.... I woke up in the back seat of our empty car! Apparently I got really sloshed, so my "friends" took me out to the car and left me there while they continued the festivities! I remember thinking, that it was only early afternoon, there was much more time to party! So I went back to the bar and they were still there! They made fun of me for a bit, saying that I was a light weight! Ha! So I showed them! And there went some more Guinness and Jameson! And I don't remember the rest.

That was that and I am sure the next day was spent hangover, full of shame, trying to piece the day/night together, figuring out how, who and when, and swearing not to drink starting at 9 am ever again, which I of course did happen again...

So today, it's St. Patty's day and I feel as lucky as a jolly leprechaun to be sober! I will go to a meeting in the morning and see some of my favorite people and hear their crazy St. Patty's stories. Then we will celbrate my daughters 9.5 bday - yes, the half is very imortant she says! -  and we will laugh and play and enjoying being a family. Then I will go to bed sober and I will wake up sober, and there will be no shame, no guilt, no beating myself up, and no trying to piece together the previous day. Then I will go to work sober and deal with my grouchy hangover coworkers, who at times like these, are the perfect reminder of why I don't drink anymore!

My Glamorous Drinking Life

The sun is shining. Love nice sunny days. But they do trigger some memories. One of my favorite things to do on a nice sunny day was to sit on my porch with a glass of wine. Nice slow breeze blowing through my hair and birds chirping. Wait, that's not how it really was, I mean the sun was shining and maybe the birds were chirping...in my head. But it definitely wasn't a glass of wine, it was a box! Yes it was.

I always have these fantasies of how I used to drink. I think I was glamorous and drank like a lady. But I have to remember that that was such a delusion. There was nothing glam about my drinking. It might have started with a glass of wine but I am sure the whole box went, especially if I didn't have to work the next day. I have to remember to go from my fantasy to reality.

This is my fantasy!

I have to run my fantasy all the way through:

So I sit on my porch with a glass of wine, I drink another. Starting to feel good but I want to feel better. So I pour another and yet another. If I haven't gotten more I would walk over to the store and get more. I would maybe try to eat but with the fear of slowing my buzz or not being able to continue at the pace that I was, I wouldn't eat much. My mind would wonder and be happy. Oh how great this life was, just me and my wine.

But then out of the blue I would find myself awake and it was the next day and the house was a wreck and my phone had strange messages on it and billion VM and all the wine was gone. And I looked like hell and my head was throbbing.

That was on a good night of drinking! I DON'T MISS THOSE DAYS! The thought that I lost chunks of time and had no idea what I did in that time, was just too much to bare. So most of the time I would just continue drinking. And this went on and on and on. I drove drunk in blackouts, I went to bars, I met strange people, I made random phone calls...

No. Not very glamorous at all!

Happy Hour

My boss took everybody out for happy hour. I first thought I should just find a way to get out of it. If I don't have to be around drinking especially in a bar atmosphere I try not to put myself there. But somehow I got busy and forgot all about it and then it was happy hour time. Trying to stall, I walked over with my boss who left the office last.

Going to a bar for me is like being on a diet and having people eating my favorite cake in front of me! And just loving it! Ugh.

My boss ordered bunch of bar food telling the waiter "Two of everything that is not seafood, OK?". That's right she is allergic to seafood, very allergic, even the left over juices can make her very sick. She absolutely cannot be around anything seafood or based in seafood sauce or she might have a reaction and die.

Sort of like me... I absolutely can not have any alcohol. None. Or I might have a reaction and die. Seriously. When I was drinking, I never knew what would happen to me when I drank. Sometimes I was OK and sometimes I just blacked-out for the night and yet other times I would black-out for days. The alcohol might have not killed me directly but the things I did in blackouts and situations I put myself in definitely could.

About an hour later, as I was noticing people getting their second and third drinks, I decided it was time to go. Feeling a bit like I wasn't a part of the group if I left early, I decided that my sobriety meant to much to me to chance it. I cherish it, and know that it is easy to give it way and hard to
keep it.

Wanting to stay sober more than wanting to get drunk, I left. Happy.