My daughter is still having issues with some girls at school, so her dad and I had a meeting with the school counselor yesterday to come up with a solution. I sat there next him in the counselors office while he pounded the table with his fist as he proclaimed his disapproval of the way the school was handling the situation. He talked about the other girls involved as if they were the absolute evil and questioned their parents abilities. Then he talked about our daughter's complete innocence, and then he even brought out the tears. Yes, he cried.
I just sat there.
Listening, for a moment I thought, oh god, what is this counselor gonna think of me? Me. Wait a minute, me? This isn't about me or him. I suddenly felt my heart filling with strength. For the first time that I can remember I didn't feel like less than him. I didn't feel embarrassed and I didn't interrupt and make excuses for his behavior. I did nothing. I stayed me. And when it was my turn I spoke.
This is huge! In the past, I always felt like I had to defend him, make excuses for him and calm him down. He always embarrassed me with his over the top antics, and the tears. But I have learned that other people's behavior is not a reflection of me, and I have no control over other people's behavior. He is him and I am me and we are separate. I no longer have to explain to people his behavior so I don't feel embarrassed. People can clearly make their own opinion. In the past I would have left feeling like a complete ass, mad at myself for defending him because I was afraid of what people might think about me. Crazy! But I didn't this time.
This is the part of the promises that has been coming true for me lately, i have intuitively known how to handle situations which used to baffle me. I don't know how this happens but it happens and it is totally amazing.
The AA promises can be found on at the bottom of page 83 of the Big Book.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.