In the beginning I definitely had the same stigma about AA as most people. I thought it was a religious cult that made you believe and follow their special god. I thought that they brain wash you there and make you follow their 12 steps, and they probably want your money, and the secretly laugh at all your stories. I thought that you must be completely desperate to be in AA. And all those boring, sober people in one place, what could they be talking about? They must have no lives to be a part of that! Well, I had no life either! So, I kept going...
I remember after my first few meetings realizing that if I opened my mouth people would try to talk to me, and give me advice; it was so overwhelming and quite frustrating, so I stopped opening my mouth. I didn't need any advice anyway! I was just fine by myself - you know what fine stands for right? - F-up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional! Lol! And, yes I was all of the above!
This was also my huge denial stage, I thought I had a problem but I wasn't quite convinced. So for a while everything about the meetings irritated me; the sayings - Keep coming back! One day at a time! Easy does it! (Say what?) and Going to any lengths- drove me nuts! The prayers that everyone seemed to know, the happy stories of finding sobriety, the gratitude lists and the holding hands! (yes holding hands!) ugh. People celebrating long lengths of sobriety even irritated me, I mean how the hell and why the hell would you want to be sober for like 10 years or 20 or 30! That's insane, I thought. Oh and the literature, good grief, people were quoting things out of the books like they had them memorized! Nuts! (p.s if you regularly visit my blog, I always try to reference the literature! Lol!)
But, I kept coming back... I don't know when things changed, I don't remember how long it took. But my sponsor eventually become my best friend; a real friend, I never had a real friend, they were all bar flies... She was kind and gentle and funny, and made me do the steps! Ha ha. And I need it all, I had no clue how to go about getting sober, or living a life. I needed daily guidance and support. I needed to hear that someone understood, I needed to know that someone has been there. I realized that without them I could not stay sober. Slowly the people in the AA have become my network, my support and my family.
At the end of the meetings in my area, we hold hands in a circle to remind us that we are not alone.Note: I realize that AA may not be for everyone, but if you are struggling with alcohol and are looking for more information about AA - Alcoholic Anonymous, or you are looking for a meeting in your area, please go to the AA website at www.aa.org.