It brought up lots of memories! I was surprised that if felt good. I have stashed my CDs away, along with the old memories. Afraid in same way that they would make me miss those days bad enough that I would want to drink. I know it sounds extreme, doesn't it? But I had such a hard time staying sober I just kept putting away all the things that I thought would give me trouble! I would have probably hid myself if I could have! LOL!
|One of my old PICs|
|One of my old PICs|
You probably know the rest of my story here - it was very hard to keep it all together, between business and regular drinking and partying. I started missing appointments and losing clients. I made an ass of myself several times too many. I couldn't make my deadlines. I was unreliable. My photos were not up to par. And slowly I was failing at my job. But I just thought that it was the job itself and the late hours, and the badly behaved clients. It wasn't my drinking. I just needed a change, something that I was probably just better at anyway. So... I left and got a new job, at a bar. Strangely enough I remember that the same thing happened at that new job, though drinking or drugs were not part of it to the extent as the old job. I ended up leaving that job too. many jobs followed and basically, I had new job about every year or two! At the time, I sure did not see this pattern at all. Today, I see it very clearly.
Well, that was an interesting time in my life. Very active in the scene that revolved around alcohol yet totally oblivious to the addictive cycle that I already was in! Somehow, since I believed that others did more drinking or drugging than me, I felt as though was OK. Actually, I don't remember even worrying that my drinking was an issues, I actually felt that life had just dealt me a bad hand or I just had a little bad luck.Now, listening to the CD, I was really amazed that I no longer had the drinking thoughts and that I no longer had that feeling that I am still missing the party! The party is long gone and well done. This part of my life seems like a very distant memory, yet a true and constant reminder of how much denial I was actually in.