July 19, 2013

Sober Progress not Perfection

This is so funny, I swear as soon as I posted my Coasting Sober post, something shifted! Lol! And go figure, I got in a huge fight with my ex today! It's funny cause I was so proud of this new way I have been just coasting thru life, but it looks like I need way more practice! I have to say, it was a great week thought!

So my ex and I got into a big fight. I never know how and when these things escalate but boom, the next thing I know we were threatening each other with court! Ha crazy!  But this time I didn't feel scared, and I didn't feel intimidated, I told my ex - Go ahead, take me to court, you got nothing on me now! - yep that felt gooooood! Yep, this is another great side effect of living a good, kind and sober life for me! My slate is clean!!!

Yet, after I hung up with him, I felt pretty shitty about the whole thing. I mean it's not really important what it was about, but the speed of the progression, from just a conversation to explosion was crazy. He said shit, and I said shit, so he said more shit, so I had to say even more shit! You know, and on and on, till I hung up on him. Oh man, that's not the person I want to be. But pride, and my still (somewhat?) over sized ego was saying - you are right, he is wrong. F him. - So I decided to call my sponsor and confirm of course, that I was right... ha ha, but deep down, I knew I was wrong in my behavior and I needed to "promptly admit it." Ugh. Well, she didn't answer, but I knew what she would have really said and what had to be done; good thing that I am on AA Step 10! - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 

Oh, but my mind was going nuts, yes, no, I don't wanna! But I just hit the speed dial and waited for him to answer, while I was trying to figure out what I was actually going to say. - oh man I don't want to say it! But here it goes…
"I am sorry for my behavior, it was inappropriate."

That's what my sponsor suggests that I say, this way I don't say too much or cause another argument. I also offered to listen to his issue and suggestions, and stay open minded and come to a resolution. And we talked, and I listened, and that's exactly what happened – we came to a resolution. Whew! I felt like hitting that Staples That was easy! button. What a moment of the Twelve Steps in real life! So cool!

OK, now back to coasting sober! Lol! Maybe I can make it a week and half this time! ...work in progress!


  1. That is a wonderful, awesome example of the program in action! I sometimes stop myself from doing or saying anything dumb just so I don't have to make the amends later! lol. So I guess that keeps me in line...whatever works, I suppose. But there are times that I have no choice and swallow pride and let go and put it in His care and just do what I need to do.

    I have been sloppy with 10 and need to focus more on 11 as well. So this post is a way that my HP works through others.. Thank you for this and showing how it truly works. I am so glad that things worked out.

    That was easy:)


    1. Lol! Yes, I would like to be able to stop myself too! It just doesn't seem possible sometimes! Haha, damn ego! But I no longer wallow in it and I am able to see my wrong doing. So, well admitting that I was wrong used to be sooooo horribly difficult and it still feels that way, but I no longer want crap hanging over me and just the little line can bring the balance back in! Thanks for stopping by Paul!

  2. I definitely think there is a Murphy's Law or something like that, LOL.

    Sorry to hear about the argument. I have them occasionally too, especially since I "stick up for myself" a little more often now that I'm sober.

    Sounds like you've got yourself a smart sponsor :)

    1. Lol! Thanks I think so too! The standing up for myself is good, I just need to do with with a bit more ... Um... Grace! I' ll get there eventually!


Keep moving forward!