January 3, 2013

The Fuck-Its

I had a bad day yesterday, I swear nothing went right; ran late in the morning, got into it with daughter, forgot the baby bottles for daycare, got a speeding ticket, did crappy on my certification exam (well I passed, so that's ok), got stuck on the metro train and then Hubby was in a crappy mood cause his boss was on a rampage. So I got really down. My thoughts ran wild like the old days: I suck, everything sucks, life sucks, and I hate it all! Why do I even bother trying to be a descent person and live a good life? It seems so pointless!

So today I was trying to pick myself up. But I still felt blah. Sometimes I am just tired of life! I want to check out and I feel like I have no way to do it. Or I just don't know how. But I don't  want to feel or think or do anything!

So I was looking through FB and saw a pic of my friends and it made me smile, then I read few posts and checked out my gratitude group and I felt a little better. Then I called my sponsor, which I definitely don't do enough off. And I felt even better.

It's so easy to slip into old behavior and get the fuck its. But it is also easy to use the tools of the program and pick yourself up!

Just passing on, cause I am so grateful that I am sober today.


  1. I get that way sometimes. Sometimes I wonder why things have to be so difficult when I am trying so hard. But then I remember that I just have to hang in there because things usually get better. You are right, it is easy to fall back into old patterns. I just know I can't let it become a crazy obsession.

    1. Thanks for the comment, I know what you mean, the mental obsession is crazy!


Keep moving forward!